Symptom, not Disease

Being Overweight is Not A Choice

I write today of a sensitive topic, and one most of my confidence issues stem from. I read an article yesterday coming out against plus sized people being considered role models because they made the choice.

Let me tell you a thing.

Eating disorders don't just come in anorexia and bulemia.

There's also binge eating when stressed.

Bullied from a young age, that is where the bulk of my weight came from. Stress eating.

Until recently my weight had been steady at 250 pounds.

For years. A decade, easily.

Losing weight in modern age is not easy. Finding time to work out as a student or full time worker is complicated before you add other factors.

Fact: Carbs and processed foods are way cheaper then vegetables and fruits.

I have taken to juicing lately though I haven't in a few days. The juicing equipment needs cleaned and my land lady flips out whenever she sees someone in the kitchen doing anything. More on that in a minute.

A head of lettuce costs $1.25.

I might be able to make part of a meal out of it.

A pack of ramen is 20 cents. For one head of lettuce I can have 6 packs of ramen. Tada I can eat 6 meals instead of half of one.

Fruit juice: $2 is a grand deal. Maybe for half a liter. Maybe a whole liter.

A 2 liter bottle of soda is $1.

A pack of cookies is a dollar.

A bag of grapes is 7 dollars.

Gyms are $10-$15 a month. Running and walking only works in the right climate.

The world has put a price tag on eating healthy.  Lets not talk about fast food joints or restaurants that reflect the same thing-nutrition costs twice the price easily.

Lets ignore that when people are in situations with limited kitchen access, their options are eat badly or starve.

We definitely shouldn't consider how biologically your body will try to stay larger once you get there.

No. I did not choose to shove all the food into my tummy.

I hung out with friends and the options were pizza and chips. There were no salads and fruits.

I panicked and stressed and ate.

I don't have money for a gym and I live in New England.

One dollar can get me a lot of things at the drive thru-but a salad isn't one of them.

Obesity is not the disease. It is a symptom.

In order to be rid if it, we need to reverse it all.

Make gym memberships affordable-5 dollars a month or less, so the annual tag is only 65, not 125.

Make fruits, that literally grow on trees, cheaper.

Increase the minimum wage so I don't have to choose between nutrition and defaulting on a bill.

Obesity is not the disease. It is a symptom.

Because I totally Want To Be Like This

I do not have many vices. Books, movies, Netflix, video games.

But I eat. I eat too much. I'm not huge, because gods be good the weight distributed well.

But my dietary habits suck. My living situation has not helped this. I'd like to eat healthier but without a place to keep vegetables and fruits without perishing,well, its a lost cause.

I'm not able to starve myself.

Hell, its nearly impossible to resist eating for me. I don't know if I'd call it addiction. More...a coping measurement.

I developed stress eating way back when. I found if you gave me a box of my favorite fruit pops while my dad was home, I devoured it in two days. If he was on a work trip, I mabe had one every other day in a week.

Chocolate is my favorite. Failing that, cream cheese on bagels. A bagel with cream cheese is one of my favorite things. Which is not a great thing when you work offers free food on the clock, as long as its not pre-packaged (excluding chips). This includes bagels and cream cheese.

And chips.

I am genetically inclined to devour potatoes. Welsh, Irish, Scottish, Polish, a bit of German, and a mess of other things.

I don't like being nearly three hundred pounds. I was only around two-fifty for years. Actual years my body was perfectly comfortable at that size.

Since april I hit 280.

Before you say "oh exercise more"

Let me ask: How?

I can't afford a gym, even if I wanted to. In the house I dwell in I either sit in my room and clean or sit in my mom's room and game. There's not room to exercise in mine, and my mother's room is on top of the house-directly over our land lady. Sound travels, and we would get hell. I've caused trouble by vacuuming in the afternoon before. And to go into the rest of the houe means risking her wrath for something we probably didn't do. More on the hell houe another day.

The kitchen isn't off limits persay but its not worth a fraction of the trouble to be there when the Land Lady is.

So nutrition is out the window. It went from too hot to move to too cold to go out in shockingly little time.

Do you know what happens when you can't get proper nutrients?

You don't stop being hungry. Ever.

There may be a relief in my near future.

But dear fat shamers of the world.

Overweight is as much a sign of malnourishment and underweight. It just means you have access to more calories.

You don't know why they can't exercise more. There's not always time.

Now I have to resist gorging for the next four hours. I want to be good and do part of a breakfast sandwich, skip the bun, add lettuce and tomato, and an orange juice.

Hopefully that will help.

If not I look forward to hating myself a little more tonight when I also eat a bagel. Or a burger. Or both.