When It Rains

Me and my Depression are not okay. I am currently trying to figure out how to sleep through tomorrow.

I got a late letter today from the worker's comp company. They want to cut me off. I knew this was coming of course, but the fact that the letter was late, came on Saturday, and was originally sent to the wrong address-not a fun combo.

I'm terrified to be honest. But its the waiting that's the worst. I left a voice mail for a lawyer I've been talking to-and emailed her the documents.

They got the documents in August 9th. Why the hell did it take them three or four months to process this when an IME from the beginning of August to tell me they were attempting to terminate? I've been waiting for four months in pain for a stupid pain clinic consult-now in four days time.

And now my stomach is in knots. Did work get this same letter? Am I expected to report to the office? I can't work, no matter what their doctor said. I cannot pick up ten pounds for durations, I cannot stand for durations, hell-I can't sit and game for durations without pain! I can't clean a pantry. And oh yeah-virtually all of the muscle relaxants and pain relievers they have prescribed interact with my anti-anxiety meds causing a seratonin reaction. So I've been having to choose pain or mental state for way too long now, and I'm cheering because hey pot's going to be legalized in this state, maybe that can help me with all of the above!

I'm 25 years old with a bizarre injury of unexplained nature. And they have done nothing to fix me. They have done everything short of call me a liar-including one doctor who had the gall to ask me why I wasn't better! I don't know, aren't you the one who went to medical school. I'm just an English Major!

So right now I'm anxious and angry and I can't calm down and I'm just...pissed.

And I can't do anything until Monday, because that's when the Lawyer is back in the office.