Lost in Limbo

Its been a while since I wrote. Probably too damn long. But I’ve been caught in a limbo, and finding my groove…I haven’t been able to.

My right arm is starting to lock up. I had intended to finish the second draft of my novel by the end of the month. I’ve barely touched it to edit. I kept giving myself reasons. I wanted to write a short story in the universe first. But I couldn’t finish it. And even now I know I’m going to rewrite it.

People think writing is easy. It’s not. You need to be in a reasonable place to start writing. You need to be able to focus. And I’m been in a strange place of late.

I haven’t had any medical treatment since August. That was when the Workman’s Comp Insurance send me to one of their personal paid doctors for an IME-Independent/Insurance Medical Evaluation. I got an MRI of my neck shortly after, but no one has seen it. The Orthopedic recommended I consult at a pain clinic, without a solid diagnosis or even an idea the source of my pain.

And the Doctor who pointed me to the orthopedic basically said it was on him.

And because of the IME I haven’t been allowed to see a second Orthopedic Doctor. I will finally be consulting at the clinic at the end of the month, though the fact is I still don’t have a diagnosis-and I’d rather not treat the symptom but the cause.

So I figure this upcoming meeting will go to more doctor visits and waiting. 

I have tremors in both arms now.

Mom has her own stuff. Not great, but I’m not allowing myself to worry. Only to help where I can. She wouldn't have it any other way.

I’m trying to find a routine. Sleeping and waking  up on schedule. Making sure I eat three meals-believe it or not I think I’ve gained weight because I’m not eating enough day to day. Thus my biological and evolutionary response is to horde my body weight, not lose it, because it thinks I’m starving.

I figure routine is good. I mean I’ve been playing video games again-which is a nice feeling. It gives me a sense of accomplishment.

I’m trying to do more around the house. Clean up one area per day. It causes aches and pains but its a trade off. I either get pain and my sanity. Or I get to be generally painless but mentally unwell.

I’ll try to write here again. Once a night. Working it into my routine. Got my little writing prompt book in my desk drawer, if I need it.