Tuesday, November 29, 2016

I Know Why You're Alone

The world of Tumblr Role Play is an odd place. I have traversed multiple fandoms, from the small oft forgotten Final Fantasy VII to the massive Once Upon a Time. After a particularly nasty experience in the latter, I became a bit more gun shy. Now in terms of fandoms I have two favorites: BBC's Merlin and Game of Thrones.
There I was on a new Margaery Tyrell blog when you addressed me. You expressed a preference to NSFW RP, which I could understand. But I didn't appreciate what you meant till after we began talking on Skype.
I was offline for reasons of my mental health when the public shunning occurred. I didn't bother you, but I looked into it. And I tried to discuss my findings with you.
You don't seem like a bad person. You seem like a person. Human, flawed, but mostly good.
Except.
Asking for NSFW off the bat is kind of odd. Because I was in great shape when we started writing, mentally sound and into the idea of a new story, I accepted.
But then it became mostly smutty. I began to lose focus as my mental state got rough. I can't focus on smutty at my prime, not non stop.
I thing I have tried to explain to you. A thing I have explained to you time and time again.
I get "Can we try" and "I don't see why you won't at least try".
Do you understand how that feels? I'm telling you no because I'm not up to it. I'm telling you no because its not my flavor. I've told you I'd be willing to write less smut centric plots.
I never agreed to your commission. I said I would consider it, if I was up to it, if I researched the prices and found your pay rate acceptable.
I'm not okay.
I told you, I'm suffering from Generalized Anxiety and Depression. I told you these affect me. I told you I was trying to go on a hiatus.
I have told you no. I have told you I'm not up to it.
And you have refused to accept it. You have asked what's wrong with smut even if I tell you.
Let me set this in a different light.
Lets say it wasn't writing. Let's say it was real sex.
(As you know, never going to happen because I'm in a happy relationship, but this is to make a point).
I told you no.
You're asking why not.
I told you I'm not up to it.
You asked why we can't try.
I said it wouldn't work.
You cited its been a month since we last.
This is rape culture. I know you don't mean it that way, but its intrinsic and part of how you think-without thinking about it.
I have told you I cannot do a thing. That should be enough.
I want to be a supportive friend. I don't want to cut you off like I know so many people have. But I know why they cut you off.
You're pushy. You never take no for an answer. You're passive aggressive. You attempt guilt trips. I don't know if you know you're doing it, but you are.
You come across kind of creepy at first. I got over that because I realized its not what you're trying to do.
But that's why others walk away. Its why I won't talk to her for you. Because I know exactly why she blocked you.
If its anything like I'm dealing with.
She tried to be your friend. She tried to be supportive. But you wanted things she couldn't give you. I don't know what. But I suspect guilt tripping and passive aggressive comments were involved.
That is harder to unravel your behavior. But how about one simple step:
When someone says no, to anything, you accept it.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

When It Rains

Me and my Depression are not okay. I am currently trying to figure out how to sleep through tomorrow.

I got a late letter today from the worker's comp company. They want to cut me off. I knew this was coming of course, but the fact that the letter was late, came on Saturday, and was originally sent to the wrong address-not a fun combo.

I'm terrified to be honest. But its the waiting that's the worst. I left a voice mail for a lawyer I've been talking to-and emailed her the documents.

They got the documents in August 9th. Why the hell did it take them three or four months to process this when an IME from the beginning of August to tell me they were attempting to terminate? I've been waiting for four months in pain for a stupid pain clinic consult-now in four days time.

And now my stomach is in knots. Did work get this same letter? Am I expected to report to the office? I can't work, no matter what their doctor said. I cannot pick up ten pounds for durations, I cannot stand for durations, hell-I can't sit and game for durations without pain! I can't clean a pantry. And oh yeah-virtually all of the muscle relaxants and pain relievers they have prescribed interact with my anti-anxiety meds causing a seratonin reaction. So I've been having to choose pain or mental state for way too long now, and I'm cheering because hey pot's going to be legalized in this state, maybe that can help me with all of the above!

I'm 25 years old with a bizarre injury of unexplained nature. And they have done nothing to fix me. They have done everything short of call me a liar-including one doctor who had the gall to ask me why I wasn't better! I don't know, aren't you the one who went to medical school. I'm just an English Major!

So right now I'm anxious and angry and I can't calm down and I'm just...pissed.

And I can't do anything until Monday, because that's when the Lawyer is back in the office.

Friday, November 25, 2016

Day After

Thanksgiving was shockingly peaceful. Mom and I had a turkey stuffing pot pie. And her pumpkin pie is amazing. We've been binge watching Gilmore Girls. I have all kinds of new feelings based on my own worldly experiences.

I tried out World of Warcraft. Black Friday sale. Five dollars and a month of play. My chosen sister is super excited.

I will give it another shot tomorrow.
But right now I find the game play lacking.

Nervous about the upcoming pain clinic consult.  Not long now.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Lost in Limbo

Its been a while since I wrote. Probably too damn long. But I’ve been caught in a limbo, and finding my groove…I haven’t been able to.

My right arm is starting to lock up. I had intended to finish the second draft of my novel by the end of the month. I’ve barely touched it to edit. I kept giving myself reasons. I wanted to write a short story in the universe first. But I couldn’t finish it. And even now I know I’m going to rewrite it.

People think writing is easy. It’s not. You need to be in a reasonable place to start writing. You need to be able to focus. And I’m been in a strange place of late.

I haven’t had any medical treatment since August. That was when the Workman’s Comp Insurance send me to one of their personal paid doctors for an IME-Independent/Insurance Medical Evaluation. I got an MRI of my neck shortly after, but no one has seen it. The Orthopedic recommended I consult at a pain clinic, without a solid diagnosis or even an idea the source of my pain.

And the Doctor who pointed me to the orthopedic basically said it was on him.

And because of the IME I haven’t been allowed to see a second Orthopedic Doctor. I will finally be consulting at the clinic at the end of the month, though the fact is I still don’t have a diagnosis-and I’d rather not treat the symptom but the cause.

So I figure this upcoming meeting will go to more doctor visits and waiting. 
I have tremors in both arms now.

Mom has her own stuff. Not great, but I’m not allowing myself to worry. Only to help where I can. She wouldn't have it any other way.

I’m trying to find a routine. Sleeping and waking  up on schedule. Making sure I eat three meals-believe it or not I think I’ve gained weight because I’m not eating enough day to day. Thus my biological and evolutionary response is to horde my body weight, not lose it, because it thinks I’m starving.

I figure routine is good. I mean I’ve been playing video games again-which is a nice feeling. It gives me a sense of accomplishment.

I’m trying to do more around the house. Clean up one area per day. It causes aches and pains but its a trade off. I either get pain and my sanity. Or I get to be generally painless but mentally unwell.


I’ll try to write here again. Once a night. Working it into my routine. Got my little writing prompt book in my desk drawer, if I need it.

Friday, July 8, 2016

Of the Silver Isle and Shadow Magic

It began with a rebellion. In the Kingdom of Magia, the King Belvedere was a cruel and unjust son of his family. It was suspected he had murdered his brother after his father died of mysterious circumstances. Lady Faye led a rebellion, assisted by the Shimmer Mystics. The King was usurped and slain, but his concubine escaped with his twin sons and swore vengeance.

Twenty years later Alina found herself alone. She was a Mystic, shunned from her family when she became pregnant. Somehow that shunning came to save her life when the rest of her people were killed by a Dark Wizard named Wirchi, who feared the magic of her clan.

But by leaving Alina the last one, all of her people's power became hers. Thus she became the first Silver Lady, when her people's powers drew her to her ancestral homeland: Moss Isle, in the Shimmer Sea, protected by the Mystical Mist. It was that Mist who carried her away.

Meanwhile Wirchi, truly Wolfram son of Belvedere, and his brother Crimse, truly Andre son of Belvedere, believed the Mystics were eliminated and plotted the kidnapping of Queen Faye's daughter, Princess Sylph. They caught her kidnapper, Wolfram offering him to the queen as a token of good faith. Andre meanwhile hid the infant princess in a secret location.

Moss Island had long been empty, but Alina's return awoke its own dormant magic. She found shelter in structures, built into and around the foliage of assorted and unexpected colors. She studied in the island's temple on how to wield her magic, and then people began to appear. Some would stumble out of the forest's fog, others would wash ashore. It didn't take her long to realize her return to the island had awoken its own magic as well. Each of the people who arrived described a situation they needed to escape from-be it a pursuant, a captor, or simply a situation. They came to Moss Isle for safety, shelter, or sanctuary. The island became a community of second chances.

Such people helped Alina give birth to a son, Gabriel.

When Gabriel was a young man, he spoke with his mother about finding allies off the island. While Alina was hesitant, she agreed, and crafted a pair of Shimmer Stones. These were simple river rocks from the streams of Moss Island, smooth and grey. However with Alina's blessing, the blessing of the Silver Lady, they could help a ship make it through the mystic mist protecting the island. One was for Gabriel to return, and the other for whomever he entrusted with it. The hope was to find someone who could become a trusted ally of Moss Island.

Back in Magia, Wolfram was plotting the death of Queen Faye-after he returned the Princess Sylph heroically, and arranging his marriage to her. However his first sworn warrior, a Cursed Angel, Shannon, had fallen in love with the Princess he had been tasked with the care and protection of.

Alina said good bye to her son and saw him onto a small sail boat off the island. It would be the last time she saw her son, though she wouldn't realize that for some time. It was time for Gabriel's adventure to begin: The First Golden Guide.It would be fair to say Gabriel became distracted when he reached the world beyond his homeland. It was bigger then he could have believed, and more people then he could have imagined. In his travels around the world, wandering and learning, he met a young woman named Imogen. As he was optimistic, she was pessimistic, and in her own way gifted. Imogen had the power to traverse the streams of time. It was in this way that the two of them began to travel together. In an odd way their powers made them ageless, and their adventures were countless.

One of those adventures came with the Cursed Angel Shannon decision to tell Sylph the truth about Wolfram, who had raised her. While she hesitated, she couldn't deny some of the points he made, and when he tried to talk her into leaving the forest manor, she agreed.

Wirchi and Crimse pursued them, but Shannon and Sylph came upon Imogen and Gabriel. When the Wizard and his brother began to close in, Shannon entrusted them with the Princess and turned to delay the enemy he had once served. It cost Shannon his life, but Imogen and Gabriel were able to bring the princess to her true home.

Their actions revealed, Wolfram and Roux had to hide once more. Angry, Wirchi hunted the duo who had brought Sylph home, who he held responsible for his exile. That was how he learned Gabriel was of the Shimmer Mystics, and that their blood line and magic continued.

One of the Shimmer Stones had already been entrusted to a witch, but Wirchi could sense that they had the other. He demanded it, but Gabriel fought him off and managed to escape with Imogen a short distance. But he knew they would be hunted, and he gave his then pregnant companion the stone and told her to skip through time to escape and return to his home. Imogen waited until the last possible moment to do so, when Wirchi's shadows surrounded them. Gabriel and Imogen shared one last kiss, and she escaped. Infuriated he had lost a way to the Silver Lady, Wirchi used his Shadow Magic to erase Gabriel's memories. Thus Gabriel became the first Cursed Angel at Wirchi's command, believing himself alone and orphaned in the world, taken in by the wizard.

Imogen eventually reached Moss Island, carrying a pair of infant twins-a boy, named Maldoon, and a girl named Artemis. Upon meeting them, Alina knew the children were her grandchildren, and Remi held the spark of the shimmer magic she was familiar with. Imogen tearfully told her what had happened to Gabriel, and with a heavy heart Alina welcomed her to the island. Once her children became a young man and woman, Imogen left the island, determined to find out what had become of Gabriel. Thus it was Alina began to teach her grand daughter the ways of Silver Magic, to become the Silver Lady after her.

Wirchi still continued to hunt the shimmer stone he knew was on the mainland, somewhere. He eventually came upon a magical assassin named Witch Hazel Tamore, who remembered his Cursed Angel Gabriel. She said he and his golden haired companion had come to her mother many years earlier. It took little to learn Hazel and her mother had parted ways with she had taken another apprentice named Helena, fearing her own daughter would misuse their magics.

Wirchi revealed to Hazel his true name, Wolfram, and introduced his own twin brother, Andre, known as Roux. They were practically identical, but Hazel always knew the different between them. The two brothers, along with the enthralled Gabriel, began to track and hunt Hazel's mother. During this time Wolfram began to feel a draw to the deadly woman they traveled with, but it was Andre she began to have dalliances with.

Everything changed when they found the witch they sought. Wolfram encouraged Hazel to torture her own mother to find out where she had put the shimmer stone, and Andre became so disturbed he left, swearing never to see either of them again-unaware Hazel was already pregnant with his daughter. He became a Thief and Spy, keeping his name Roux now.

Hazel's dark fate was sealed, her soul surrendered to Shadow that faithful night. After learning that her mother had sensed them coming and sent Helena away with the Stone, Hazel cut her own mother's throat on Wolfram's encouragement. That night they became entangled as cursed lovers in the dead witch's blood.

They would pursue Helena, but when Hazel's condition became clear they went upon their search in a less direct tactic. They began to find more people to work for them, toward their goal of power and chaos. Wolfram's most trusted Cursed Angels would be a former war hero turned bitter, Travis Jackson, and a shapeshifter named Deirdre.

When Hazel gave birth to her first child, she was able to pass the girl off as Wolfram's-but she knew without a doubt Daphne was truly Andre's daughter. And something began to change in her, as when Daphne grew to show her own magical gifts, Wolfram began to put the child through terrifying trials to nurture them. He would bury her alive, trap her in a ring of fire, and even hold her under water. Hazel only realized this after becoming pregnant with her second child, after marrying Wolfram and becoming Lady Belvedere.Hazel confronted Wolfram, revealing the truth of Daphne's paternity, and threatening to leave with his true First Born if he continued to harm his daughter in these ways. She knew the importance of this, that a first born child would inherit whatever magic Wolfram had if he perished, not to speak of their own potential gifts.

Cornered but angry, Wolfram ceded, but he watched her like a hawk. Hazel found herself and her daughter kept in the manor, unable to leave. Travis watched them in Wolfram's stead, but it seemed like the watch would end when Hazel gave birth to her second child, Quinn. She believed perhaps Wolfram would relax, having his own son, but Quinn was not as gifted as his sister. It took him longer to learn how to walk, to talk, and when his magic began to show he was ten, not five, and his powers were much weaker.


Becoming afraid for her son, worried Wolfram would put him through the same trials he had put Daphne through. So she began to train her daughter in secret, teaching her the ways of an Enchantress. In time Daphne was able to send out a message for help to Helena, who had once been Hazel's dearest friend.

While Helena was hesitant, she could not ignore her friend's plea. She had been on the run for fifteen years, but she finally made her move to go to Moss Island.

It was there Helena met Maldoon and Artemis, and pleaded with the Silver Lady and her Golden Guardian to help her. Artemis's magic was the only kind that stood a chance against Wolfram's. Their grandmother advised against it, as Remi's powers were not yet mastered, but they went anyway.

It became a scheme of infiltration. Maldoon took on the name of Romulus, and offered his services to become a Cursed Angel. That was how he infiltrated the manor and found Hazel. He became her messenger back to Helena and Artemis, though by chance the fates had them become lovers. Unfortunately her son, Quinn, spied them kissing one evening, and ran to tell his father, whom he only ever wanted to please.

Wolfram was infuriated like none had seen him before. He had Maldoon locked in his dungeon, and told Travis to stand guard. Knowing she too would be imprisoned soon, Hazel smuggled out her daughter Daphne, then fifteen, to tell Helena and Artemis what had occurred.

It took them no time to lead a raid to rescue Maldoon. Wolfram found himself unexpectedly injured by Artemis's silver magic, and Helena took Travis captive so Gabriel and Deirdre could not interfere. The twins never realized the man was their father, and escaped.

Hazel was imprisoned in the cellar after that, Wolfram expecting her to waste away. But then one day eight months later, an unexpected sound rang from the lowest level-a crying new born, a boy certainly not his for he and his wife had not been intimate for over a year. Further angered by the proof of her affair with Maldoon, he stole the child from her weakened arms and discarded him in the woods, returning after to force himself on her-knowing in her weakened and wasted state another child would surely end her life

However the son of Maldoon and Hazel did not die. By some strange twist of fate, Roux found him. He claimed the child to  raise and named him Jayden, unsure how to care for him but trying to the best of his ability.After leaving Belvedere Manor, Artemis and her brother had split up. Remi had dragged Travis back to Moss Island as a captive, but it was there his soul began to heal from the wicked things he had lived through. It wasn't long before his loyalties changed from Shadow to Shimmer. A year after his arrival, he and Artemis fell in love, and within another year they were married and gave birth to their son, Troy Jackson.

A  year before that Helena and Maldoon learned of Hazel's death, as she gave birth to a final child-Tobias Belvedere. The two were heartbroken for their lost love and lost friend, and began to venture through the land of Magia to lead resistance and rebellion against Wolfram, with the the silent and secret support of the King, Draco Hadley. A few years into this effort they found new hope and love in each other, and were wed by the King.

But their happiness ended almost as soon as it began. Helena learned of her own pregnancy as Deirdre came upon them, blaming them for Travis's abduction and departure. The two had been lovers themselves, and shortly after his departure she had learned she carried his child. She sought them not just for Wolfram, but to find Travis. Once again the lovers were forced to run, not bearing the silver magic to defeat the Dark Wizard.

A few years after Troy was born, Maldoon returned to the island alone, heart broken, carrying the shimmer stone Helena had in one hand, and the other arm carrying their daughter. Helena had died as a result of a curse from Wolfram, and they had barely saved their child. She was named Tessa, and after Artemis would become the next Silver Lady.

Meanwhile, Tobias's own magical training and torment had begun. He had learned how to walk, talk, and wield magic in half the time of his sister. By three he was proficient in all of them, and by five his tormenting training was well under way. He began to dream of a woman he believed his mother, who tried to comfort him in his sleeping hours. He found new strength, but when he was six Quinn showed their father's temper and tried to kill his little brother. Wolfram had pulled them apart, but applauded Quinn's drive.

Tobias had been horrified, and had told the woman he spoke with in sleep of what had occurred. She had been shocked, and told him to hang on, she was coming for him.Daphne was a young woman then, and had become the governess of the infant princess of Magia. She spoke with the King and apologized that she had to leave. She had tried to avoid her childhood home, but when she had the dreams of her baby brother she knew it was only a matter of time before she returned.

She knew to wait, because she knew Wolfram would bury Tobias in a crate in the yard and leave him there. Once her uncle left, for she had learned the truth from her mother some time ago, she dug up Tobias and picked up her baby brother, apologizing for taking so long.

What she had not realized then was that Wolfram didn't interfere because he, his Cursed Angels, and Quinn were leading a coo of the Magia royal family. When they returned to the castle through a secret passage, the King Draco was in battle with Wolfram, and barked at Daphne to save his daughter. SHe didn't wait, one hand gripping Tobias's tight as she charged down the passage. When she arrived, Quinn held the baby Princess Seiran in his arms. Not caring he was her brother anymore, instead deciding the blood of the covenant she had sworn was thicker then water of the womb, Daphne threw magic at him and snatched Seiran from the air. When Quinn called out for help, Tobias used his own magic to teleport himself, Daphne, and Seiran away to safety.

After King Draco was defeated and banished, his cousin took the throne. He had three children-Cloten, Samson, and Muriel. After their mother was found to be spying on the new King, and having a romance with Roux, then King of Outlaws, she was executed. The children inherited a violent legacy. When Muriel was still a child, she became aware of Samson's cries in the hall. When she stepped out she discovered Cloten slicing off their brother's hair, declaring he had let it become girlishly long, not caring if he cut skin or scalped the younger boy. Muriel threw herself at Cloten, enabling Samson to run away and call for help, but it came at a high cost. Enraged by her disobedience, Cloten began to beat his young sister with his belt. By the time help came, Muriel's back was so raw she was bed bound on her stomach. Their father referred to it as simply teaching her obedience, but Muriel swore that it would never happen again.

When she finally healed, though countless scars covered her back and would ever more, she snuck into her eldest brother's room and stole the knife he had been using to cut their brother's scalp. After she took a small satchel of the treasury and she ran away, leaving that life behind her. She became Mink, a thief.
As it was, Roux was then heart broken twice over. Though he had organized the Order of Outlaws, and Jayden ran a small orphanage with a percentage of their treasures, he had lost much of his spirit. Then Mink appeared, with the secret scroll revealing their location in hand. The only way one could get it was to steal it from one of his top commanders. Despite her young age, Mink was clearly talented, and he took her on as an apprentice

Travis began to fear Wolfram, knowing the Dark Wizard was hunting the bloodline of the Shimmer Mystics. That included his own son now, his wife, his brother-in-law, and his niece. Moss Island had become precious to him. Despite his wife's protests, he organized a small group of men and women and sailed off to learn more, to plot Wolfram's defeat.

After he was gone for several years, Artemis entrusted her son with her brother, and left to find out his fate. While their grandmother was ageless, the power favored the younger women of the line. It wasn't until she felt a surge of magic she learned Remi had certainly died, and Tessa would be almost as powerful as she had been at the beginning.

A child without a mother, protected by her cousin who had no children.

However, what they didn't realize was Remi hadn't passed on. She had died, yes, after becoming ill with plague. But on her death bed, a dark stranger named Lord Soren appeared to her. He offered her life after death, and she accepted. When he asked why, she had begged him because she had a child she wished to see again.

When Remi awoke after death shut her eyes, she was in a castle in the mountains. Lord Soren explained he was a Child of Death, who could live off borrowed life force. It could be blood, but he preferred not to while he had other means-though blood exchange was the most powerful. That was how he had saved her in the end. They were connected now, and he would help her learn what happened to her late husband. Now ageless, she lost track of time, but found her unmoving heart began to call for her savior.








Meanwhile, Travis had been long ended in this life. But soon so did his first son by Deirdre, Nikos, who left behind a wife and children. That was how Mina became entangled with the Cursed Angels. She was pure and innocent, but desperate to see her children cared for. Thus Wolfram tasked her with a horrible burden-to find her way to Moss Island, and present the current Silver Lady of the Shimmer Magic with a cursed black rose.

In her travels to learn how to reach the secret sanctuary, she was accompanied by Wolfram's son, Quinn. He was charmed by her as he watched her send her pay away toward her children's care.  Nikos had mentioned her, and their children, and Wolfram's son had been confused by their family. Even if he was touched by the emotions and loyalties he saw. It was possible Mina was the one person he ever truly cared about, but in the end he couldn't express it. His father didn't approve of emotions like love, seeing them more as a means to manipulate others.

In the end Quinn attempted to murder Mina, triggering the mist to save her. He never got the chance to tell her so, because she needed to believe she was in true peril.

That was how Mina arrived on Moss Island, but she became distracted from her task. She managed to slip the cursed black rose into Tessa's chambers, hidden under her bed. However, before she could leave the island, Mina met Troy Jackson.

By then Troy had become a young man, ever so slightly younger then her. He reminded her of Nikos, her late husband, and she found herself falling for him, hard. There came a day that they exchanged a kiss and affections, but it was that same day the curse began to take hold of his cousin. Tessa became bed bound with fever from Shadow Magic she had been breathing in.

Troy became inconsolable, never leaving his cousin's side. His uncle revealed to Mina his history, what had become of his parents, and guilt filled her soul. One night when Troy had fallen asleep, she took the wicked blossom from beneath his cousin's bed and ran to the cliffs. She knew Wolfram could use her to track the island if Tessa did not pass, so she had one choice in her mind, and jumped.

Her body washed ashore, holding the dead flower to her chest.

Troy became sure of a conspiracy, that someone was targeting his loved ones. He was heart broken, of course, and not thinking straight, but he decided to leave the island and seek out the fabled Dark Wizard who had terrorized his family for so long.
In the wake of Mina's death, what little compassion Quinn Belvedere might once have had died within him. He collected her children for recruitment into the Cursed Angels, and he made it his business to find his brother, sister, and the missing Princess of Magia.

By then Seiran was a young woman, and now and again Daphne and Tobias would leave her alone. It was one of those times Quinn came upon her. He wooed the princess, charming and seducing her. His plan had been the same as his father's once had been-to marry the heir to the throne and become a shadow behind the crown. This might have worked if Daphne and Tobias had not appeared to object at the ceremony. Tobias blasted his brother back, and Daphne stole Seiran away to explain.

Seiran, having believed she was truly loved as she felt love, was heart broken and crushed. She began to act more recklessly in order to feel alive, but soon found her inner joy returning. Hope returned to her as she realized the greatest thing she could do to spite Quinn and his father was to survive and prevail, and one day return as Queen of Magia.

Remi had found happiness again with Lord Sorin. He had become her lover, and the time they had melted together. However that joy came to an end when Wolfram learned Remi still lingered in the world-and more then likely still carried a Shimmer Stone. However he could not find her immediately, but he did find Lord Sorin, whom he had crossed paths with in the past. He did not know they were lovers, but knew Sorin was the original Child of Death. That meant without question, Sorin could thus track Remi's movements.

When he refused to reveal his Paramore's location, he and Wolfram came to blows. In the end the Wizard tricked Sorin into staying outside as the sun rose, burning him to ash.

As soon as her dark savior passed, Remi felt it. Her heart broke, and soon it was revealed to her she was now the Queen of the Children of the Death, as he had been the King. Somehow she kept her wits about her, but she also had to come upon a distraction. Thus she took on a second identity, The Red Lady. She became an assassin with a code: if she was to end a life, there should be no one who would miss them. She didn't receive a lot of traffic do to this code, though many tried. She turned on those who tried to lie to her, but for the most part used the occupation to travel and learn more about her new people

Upon arrival in Magia, Troy encountered a Cursed Angel named Chance. He knew not her allegiance and loyalty however, so when she offered to help him tap the Shimmer Magic in his blood, he accepted eagerly. When it was done, he could wield magic, but it was but one side of the coin. The other side was every time he used Shimmer magic, a dark rune of Shadow Magic began to creep about his skin. Should those markings eventually cover his entire form, Troy's soul would be forfeit.

His cousin, healing and recovering from her own curse, was given a vision of Troy. Shocked by the trap he had fallen into, Tessa gathered a few effects, and left the island to find her cousin. After realizing this, so too did her father, Maldoon.

Thus when The Red Lady struck, directed by Quinn who believed he had cleverly sent her to observe his brother when he'd be alone, Tessa appeared to protect him. Despite the years, Remi knew the scent of her own blood-the scent of her daughter. Though she had already driven fangs into Tobias's neck, it was not too late to save him-as she too had once been saved.

Thus when Tobias, Daphne, Seiran, and Tessa finally caught up with Troy, a reluctant and tense alliance was formed. Remi explained finally Wolfram, the Dark Wizard also know as Wirchi, who wielded Shadow Magic. Only the magic of Moss Isle, Shimmer Magic, could defeat him and that was why he was so desperate to destroy it. And in turn, they are the only ones who can defeat him-and mayhaps, save Troy from falling to Shadow.

Shimmer and Shadow. Two family legacies intertwined. Countless tales of their conflicts and compromises.

However Tessa was found by none other then Quinn Belvedere when she arrived at the Indigo Docks. She had been sheltered for most of her life, innocent, so when he began his line of charm she fell into his clutches and became his captive. In truth, he had no idea who she was, and how his father would have preferred he end her life. Instead he kept Tessa chained up, tormenting and torturing her every day,

She didn't know how many days had passed when things began to change. Rescue was far from expected. To be fair, it hadn't been Tobias's intent when he led the raid either. He, Daphne, and Seiran had simply made a habit of attacking any outposts or bases of the Cursed Angels, Quinn, or Wolfram. Unlike his brother however, Tobias had felt Tessa's strong magic-her Shimmer Magic, and rushed to find the source. It was a reluctantly kind rescue, but a rescue none the less.

Quinn was infuriated when he learned his villa had been destroyed, his guards rounded up or killed, and his prize stolen. So it was he sought out someone to end his brother's life once and for all-the Red Lady.

It was chance that saved Tobias's life. After the rescue, Tessa had hovered by him the most. Once enough time had passed and she was able to experience touch without flinching, she beseeched him to be with her for a time. Though it did not blossom into a romance, it did become a close friendship that would last the rest of their lives. Thus when Tobias intended to depart alone from the group to find a magical artifact, Tessa followed him from a short distance.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Lonely Heart

You don't realize you're lonely while you're alone. You realize you're lonely when you're not.

I have had an amazing week with the one I love.
We had a double date at the zoo. We've been snuggling. Streaming. Cooking. Just...being.

We've talked about when I move. It looks like April 2018 at the soonest, probably May. Its....a long time but it gives her, Mom, and myself the chance to settle things to first. Mom and I are still working on Workman's Comp, trying to get healed and patched up.

I've lost more mobility in my arm, side note.

But Mom and I need to get fixed up. Mama needs to sell the house in New Jersey, get a nest egg. Bae needs to look into expanding her home for our potential future together.

We adopted a puppy yesterday. A tiny little dauschund named Ruby Rose. She's adorable.

On the drive home I got to hold her to my chest where she dozed off.

And I realized even though I've lost my hamsters, and I wanted to avoid further loss of pets in my near future.

I wanted one. I want another one. I want something small and fuzzy I can hold in my arms.
I want someone I can hold.

But Texas can't happen yet.
Mom and I need fixed.
I need fixed.
It seems like a cat or dog is against our lease.

I wish Cape Cod wasn't so isolated.
I wish I wasn't injured and my arm worked properly.
I wish I could forsee a time in the future I can use my arm fully.
I wish I could make friends easier.
I wish I could get my own puppy or kitten.
I wish I wasn't so alone.

I love my mother. But she can't be everything to me. That's impossible. And it would be weird.

I have another week before I go home. And unlike my last trip I am looking forward to going home.


But
I don't look forward to being alone.
There's...no one.
Hell, I don't even see my coworkers anymore.

I don't see customers.
Its just me. Mom. And the barrage of Doctors.
Doctors who sometimes blow me off. Ignore me.
Ask me why I'm sick.

So here is a list of things I need to do when I get back.

1. Talk to my main case manager doctor about further tests on my neck as well as my arm.
2. Find and make an appointment with a new specialist.
3. Contact someone at Boston Medical Center about the unprofessional treatment I received while there.
4. Arrange an appointment to see a new nurse practicitioner at Fontaine, because I am sick and tired of the current offices-even if I like my therapist.
5. Finish a damn novel

Monday, June 27, 2016

#2WeeksWithTwuWuv

I'm off to see my sweetheart for 2 whole weaks! In which we have both our birthdays and the 4th of July.

There are no words for how much I need this Mini Break, but I'm going to try.

Lets see. Still no idea what my injury is. Still out on Workman's comp. That nonsense with Boston.

But now 2 weeks. 2 weeks with the one I love and all the furkids.

14 days of blessed time in the same space. To relax. To be with her. Updates will happen.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Those Jerks at 4B, Shapiro Building, the Boston Medical Center

So I began to explain how today's visit into Boston was a real fuster cluck. Here's the thing. The Saga continued. You see, at the beginning, upon learning I wasn't going to find the medical attention I needed on Cape Cod, my mother spoke with a trusted physician. Thus we received the name Tony Tannoury, an Orthopedic Specialist of The Boston Medical Center, Shapiro Building.
Obviously its been a lot of confusion, as mentioned, about whether its my neck or shoulder damaged and how. Which is why we should see a specialist. I had to give Doctor Tannoury's information to the primary Doctor on my case, and as I'm leaving the state in 5 days, was thrilled when three days ago Tannoury's office called me back to arrange an appointment.
Today, my mother with me every step of the way, I spent 60 dollars to get on a shuttle to the hospital in Boston. As mentioned, its a bit of a trek, easily an hour and a half, usually more. We knew for a single appointment for sed specialist it would cost us the day.
I walk in. I check in way early.
"You'll be seeing Dr. Nicoletta."
Doctor Nicoletta? My mother jumped to my defense, which is why I have an adultier adult along. I was just shocked and stunned, and clarified I had arranged the referral and appointment with Tannoury. I was told because Tannoury was a neck specialist, and my paperwork seemed to discuss my shoulder, so they made the appointment with Nicoletta instead.
While this is all sound thinking, they missed a very important step: discussing it with me, the patient. During the initial wait to talk to a higher up, I looked up Dr. Robert Nicoletta. His Health Grade was a whopping one out of five. If it had been higher, perhaps a three stars out of five, I might have said the hell with it.
However, obviously, it was not the case. Through assorted phone calls to patient advocacy, we had several conferences with people in the office. Eventually they said yes, I could probably see Dr. Tannoury. After about an hour they revealed actually no, the paperwork from my Workman's Comp insurance only covered a neck specialist. An hour and three or four conferences later.
I'm going to reiterated. I particularly requested Doctor Tannoury. I sent his information for the referral. I left a message saying that was who I wanted to see. I came here today, working out a way into the city, and suddenly I was told my appointment with Nicoletta instead. That was the big problem. That someone saw my file, decided I needed to see someone about my shoulder, not my neck, and neglected to tell me until I arrived. If it had been sooner, I could have called my workman's comp. If I had been notified I could have told them no, that's not who I wanted. I could have been spared time and sixty dollars. Instead, I had to come into the city, which for  the record, is painful. In general I spend a lot of time on my side or laying on my back. Sitting up for too long, as I am now, is sending spasms through my back, spine, and shoulders. After I'm done typing this up, I shall of course, take one of the pain pills I hate so much.
By the time we left, learning nothing could be done for us, we had a single request. We asked they call the main doctor on my case and tell him the reason they couldn't help me was because the Workman's Comp Insurance didn't authorize a neck specialist, believing the source of the pain was my shoulder.
Thus we slipped into the hall and chilled, because we would be trapped in the city for another few hours. My mother called back Patient Advocacy after a while. And then it went from poor professionalism and customer service to horrid.
My mother was told she was inappropriate in her reactions, and had frightened the staff, so they had refused the request. Irritated, we were. Upset? Certainly. Unhappy? Definitely. Thats what happens when an unwanted surprise puts you out sixty dollars and traps you in the center of the city, away from anything and everything we could check out. Also putting me, the patient they'd neglected to notify of the change, in back spasms and pains.
All in all, the offices were completely unprofessional, lied or exaggerated about our reactions, and the service was down right rude.

So. Friends. Family. Anyone who might pass through Boston and need medical attention. I cannot say this enough. Boston has many fine medical institutions. The Shapiro Medical Center on Albany Street is not one of them. My experience has been one of neglect, deceit, and a total lack of professionalism. This isn't even beginning to delve into their lack or organization and tendency to shrug off your words as uniformed. I told them I didn't want to see Dr Nicoletta because unlike Tannoury he had not been recommended to us. The only thing I could know about him was that his patients didn't reccomend him. I told them this at least half a dozen times and they kept trying to foist him on me.

Say No to Boston Medical Center. Avoid the Shapiro Building. Or at the very least, avoid the unprofessional jerks in suite 4B in the Shapiro Building of Boston Medical Center.

Compassion and Understanding

Growing up I never understood why my mother wouldn't just take her pain killing medication. As she was the victim of a series of car accidents, two or three by my count, she had perpetual injuries around her back and neck. She's had over 20 surgeries and is looking at what may be number 23. I understood and commiserated with most of her woes. Insurance companies did everything in their power to deny her claims as long as they could, hoping she would give up or die before it came to court. Doctors wouldn't pay attention to the real issue. However I could never understood why she would rather be in pain then take the medication to alleviate it. For a while I thought she was scared of being called an addict, which is understandable given our current culture.
Now I understand why. As some of you may know I injured myself at work back at the beginning of March. My right shoulder, attached to my primary arm, is now the home of a light burning ache almost always and if I used it too often, sharp stabbing pain. Doctors are no closer to figuring out why this is then they were four months ago. At this point an MRI has shown inflammation in my shoulder, but not  the cause. There is still some question whether or not my pain is somehow caused by injury in my neck. The only tests have been a single MRI and a useless X-Ray.
Trying to arrange a visit into Boston today to see a specialist (a particularly fine fuster cluck for another day) I felt myself enter a despair. I needed a copy of my MRI, and I hadn't even seen an image of it previously. All the offices were closed for the day, and the next couple days between then and when I would come into the city were looking particularly busy. My second of three hamsters had died, the third was on the way out, and my shoulder was throbbing with pain.
As I reached for my prescription bottle, I realized I resented needing it. I resented that on a day to day basis I needed to medicate my pain to get by. I resented that I was still injured, and that all I wanted was to be healed. I was depressed and angry that I was injured at all. I despaired and threw beanie babies at the wall and cried. Fortunately my mother was coming home from her own appointment with pizza.

I understand now.
She shouldn't have had to take the pills.
I shouldn't have to to take the pills.
We shouldn't have to worry about pain.
We should simply have to worry about being fixed.

I want to be fixed.
I want to be better.
I want my arm back.
I want my life back.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

"One of his students destroyed it."

So now that Force Awakens is out on home video, I can rewatch till I get sick.

One thing I noticed

In my viewing in theaters I thought Kylo Ren killed a bunch of other Padawans or Apprentices ala Anakin.

This time I listened to Han explain.


Luke had been training a new generation of Jedi


And then one of them (Presumably Kylo) "Destroyed it"

Questions:


How many little Jedi?


How did he destroy it?

What if there were only two?


Ben Solo


And Rey

Origins of Rey aside she is obviously more powerful then Ren. Assuming he's 30 as said (I have my doubts but for theory)

Ren was born one year after Endor


Rey about eleven after.

According to Wikipedia.

Lets say what happened was Kylo Ren, influenced by Snokes, snuck Rey out and dropped her on Jakku. Perhaps jealous of the special attention she got from Luke.

Threatened by her ability, or maybe another Bullshit prophecy. Who knows.

Force Mind Tricks happen. All Kylo would need to do is jumble a young Rey's memory. Again, he has eleven years on her, so easily late teens or twenties.

Follow up: He knows about Rey on Jakku. When one of his followers speaks of BB8 having help from a girl, he reacts not with sexist frustration, nor another hissy fit. But alarm and question: "What girl?"

Thus Luke could have potentially taken off trying to find Rey, because "He felt responsible". But the universe is HUGE. Assuming Ben didn't run off right away.

Next up: Han Solo even thought about going to check Jakku to find the Falcon. But never did. Why?

Potentially a Force Mind Trick. Wouldn't be hard.

The extent he (Ren) fears Rey-he knows who she is. What she can become. What a danger she is. That he knows she is untrained.

Again, this is all conjecture and theory. But its mine.

Monday, June 13, 2016

The Future Does Scare Me

Hey world. The blog is getting quieter. No surprise. Life is normalizing. Also I'm still out on Workman's comp so day to day is pretty similar.

New DnD campaign has begun. That's been fun.

But... Orlando.

Its no secret. I'm a bisexual feminist Wiccan.

My heart goes out to the victims. My heart aches. I await anxiously word from a friend in Flordia who has a gay sister. They've taken day trips to Orlando before.

It was a hate crime.


Done by a deeply imbalanced individual.

Nothing more. Nothing less. It had nothing to do with his religion. Everything to do with hate.

I have-had a dear friend. I knew him since my freshman year of high school. My first day. We dated for a whole week back then.

He was always a little Red Neck. His dad had a yard of fallen cars littered with Beer Cans. A house that was a huge mess. Gun fanatics.


But the Racism didn't come out till he moved to Texas 5 years ago. It may have been why I shied away from Texas so severely.

I've realized Texas just draws out your inner self, be that good or bad. The one I love is from Texas. I wouldn't change a thing about her.

He went full on gun fanatic. Full on Racist. Hate boner for Muslims.

Today, after Trump tweeted about how this shooting proved him right about Muslims, I asked my friend to disavow him.

He wouldn't. He defended him.

I'm done. It sucks but I tried. I had already unfriended him. Now I have blocked him. On my phone. On Facebook. I will probably write him a final letter. No return address. Or a glitter bomb. Probably a glitter bomb.

It hurts. But I can't. Years of caring don't go away. But his hate trumps (oops) his care about my well being.


Take Care, Orlando. Take Heed, America. United we stand, divided we fall.

We all talk about revolution like it would be Fallout.


Or Walking Dead with less Zombies.


My mother reminded me of Margaret Atwood's "A Handmaid's Tale".

I am legitimately afraid of the future and what it may hold.

I've already talked about guns and Muslims and all that.

Today I just write


Bless.

Friday, June 10, 2016

Positivity Post

So the visit with Dad and his visit here were... Exhausting.

But today instead I give a shout out to the amazing independent game company

Three Minute Games
Creators of Lifeline,  its sequel Lifeline: Silent Night, Lifeline 2, and Lifeline: White Out.

Each story features you getting contact with a character who needs help, or even just someone to talk to. Interactive text based stories-choose THEIR adventure, and fates.

Lifeline and Silent Night star King Nerd, a lovable if awkward science intern named Taylor. His adventure begins when the spaceship he was working on his thesis crashed on a mysterious planet.

Lifeline 2 stars Arika, a Mage in Converse trying to save her brother and avenge her parents. I believe her world may be linked to Taylors. Also she is queen Nerd.

Whiteout stars Adams, who is an amnesiac in an artic area unknown. His future and past combine and a sequel is strongly hinted at.

They are amazing journeys. Do to the characters actively interacting and talking to you the emotional ante goes way up. Their voices are very natural and it helps me feel... Less alone when I play.

So spare a buck or two. Meet Taylor in his original adventure, or Arika in 2.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Dreadfort Bound

I know I haven't been blogging as much as usual lately.

Believe it or not that was a good thing.

I was happy. I was on Tumblr. Gaming. Wii Fitt. Redecorating. Writing.

But I'm going to need this blog for the next few days.

I'm going back to my childhood home where Dad is getting ready to move out.

Bolton Road.

Combined with the feelings of Dread when I return I nicknamed it after Roose Bolton's layer in Game of Thrones

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

A Matter of Character

This morning I woke up to angry nerds screaming James Bond has to be a white man. Ashamed to say my father sided with them (For realism; he said. His opinion has been dismissed). I wandered over to Twitter. And discovered more angry nerds talking about why Steve Rogers can't have a boyfriend.

SO I feel the need to clarify something.
Being a woman does not define me.
Being bisexual does not define me.

I am who I am because I am. Nature and nurture have created the Spryte Magnus of today.

So there is no reason James Bond would be any less bad ass as a woman or a black man, or oh my gosh, a Black Woman. (#AgyemanFreemaForBond) He or she would still be a bad ass. They would still be a top ranking spy, 007. They would still be suave, they would still be flirtatious, they would still be a clever devil.

Gender and race do not define a character anymore then they define a person.
It is actions and personality that do.

Beware there may be slight Civil War spoilers ahead.

Now, as for the matter of Bisexual Steve Rogers. One, there is no force in this universe that can tell me he's not. Now he's a confused bi boy because he was from the 40's. There are countless allusions in the comic world. Including my personal favorite despite my hating the pairing, virtually every Avenger asking why he and Tony haven't gotten married yet. [Fun Fact: In an alternative universe where Tony was born a woman, and they did get married. My belief is the hold up is Tony is hetro as they come. That said I still do not support the pairing. One, I just don't see it. Two, Steve knew Tony's father.].

For one, Steggy forever, got it? That said in MCU and in many of the comic verses, poor Peggy has passed on.

This does not excuse Steve kissing people he shouldn't be with minimal to No build up do you hear me Marvel?! DO YOU HEAR ME? THAT WAS COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE FOR SO MANY REASONS.

Anyway.
Here's the thing about Steve Rogers.
He's brave. He's noble and honorable. He believes in freedom and the American Way. He is unbelievably loyal. He's the kid from Brooklyn who repeatedly forged paperwork to try to get into the army. Dreamy. Willing to throw himself on a grenade to save others.

Not one of these all important traits suggests one way or other with his sexuality.
I am in fact pissed at Marvel pushing their heterosexual indifference, which is when a pair of characters are only assumed for possible romance if opposite gender. [Side Eyes the ONLY PART OF CIVIL WAR I DID NOT APPROVE OF. Not because Hetro Steve. But choice of lady and lack of build up].

Anyway. Moving on from that.

Lets talk about my favorite Gaybies, or Bibies. Poe Dameron and Finn.

I actually got into a heated argument with a friend who is normally a slash shipper about them.

She believes they have no chance pairing off because we aren't going to get a same sex couple in Star Wars. Also she ships Finn Rey. We respectfully disagree there.

Side Note: I feel Finn is one very new at life. He only recently won freedom to pick his fate. Which means he's pretty open minded. Definitely bisexual.

Now lets discuss the characters.

Poe Dameron. Sassy. Smart. Clever. Best damn pilot. Single Dad to BB8.
Finn. Brave. Follows his heart. Bit of a closet bad ass. Noble. Loyal to friends.

Once again, nothing in these two suggests sexuality. Well, I could make an argument or two about Finn's bisexuality. The point remains its not part of his personality.

Anyway.
[Look at this Shit]
[Look at his Top Gun Pose]

ANYWAY.

The whole jacket exchange. The excitement at seeing each other again.

Don't get me wrong. Finn and Rey could be cute. But currently Poe and Finn hold way more ship points.


Also someone pointed out Poe's lip bite when he says "Keep it, it suits you".

Lip biting means nervous. Or attracted. Or both.


OKAY sorry now I'm back on track.

The point is, regardless of how Poe or Finn pair off, their characters are not defined by their sexuality.

So lets go over this.
I am not defined by my gender, race, or sexuality.
You are not defined by your gender, race, or sexuality.
Characters are not defined by their gender, race, or sexuality.

I am defined by my experiences and actions.
You are defined by your experiences and actions.
Characters are defined by their experiences and actions.

Thus
James Bond is not defined by his race, gender, or sexuality. He is defined by his experiences and actions.
Steve Rogers aka Captain America is not defined by his race, gender, or sexuality. He is defined by his experiences and actions.
Poe Dameron and Finn are not defined by their race, gender, or sexuality. They are defined by their experiences and actions.

Now in regards to two arguments. One, from my father.
"James Bond and Movies in general have to show realism".


Movies, books, podcasts, music, comics, and video games are under no obligation to show anything. Especially in the genres of spy action fiction, super hero, and scifi.

Now I'll be the first to and an addendum.

Fiction should know show reality as it is. Fiction should show reality as it should be. See in 2012, White House Down, and Olympus Fallen nobody was questioning those black presidents birthplaces. Nor in 24 or the short lived Commander in Chief, though to be fair that one featured a woman president (which we have yet to see) and her nominating a black vice president.

So no, I don't believe movies or media should show reality as it is. I believe media and movies should be used to expose the flaws in the society they were made in. Now, in terms of genres like adventure, I believe Gene Roddenberry summarized in best in regards to Star Trek Next Gen. I will paraphrase.

If the point of the show is space exploration in a futuristic society, no one should give a flying fuck about whether a captain is bald or not.

Similarly, if the movie is about a super spy doing impossible things with advanced technology that doesn't exist yet, no one should care about whether they are black or white or have a penis or a vagina.

(Ditto Scifi but I refuse to deal with the people whining about Star Wars having woman protagonists today. That said I will Will Smith pose at FINN, the OTHER VII protagonist).

If a movie is about Superhero's, no one should care if the hero falls in love with someone of the same sex.

And if its god damn Star Wars the fanbase has way bigger things to worry about then Stormpilot.

Now, another argument.
"James Bond is a symbol of masculinity."

I would say so is Bruce Wayne.


Your argument is invalid. Good day.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Oh Right

Hi all! Still alive and well. Better then. Writing original fic again. Making sprite comics again. Sitting down and gaming again. Dieting and beginning to exercise when my injuries allow. Finished my first DnD campaign! Unexpected Dark Elf Hobbit ladyship. A good thing. Wednesday starts another campaign. Should be sweet. If a trickier commute.

Finally...
My mother and I broke down. Dad has to be out of the house on my birthday. The sale is complete. Then he moves to Virginia and it gets to be a lot more difficult to see him.

So for his birthday I decided to go down to see him for one last hurrah.

A course of action I already regret as he has decided this means one of the two days goes to Mom and I helping sort junk to collect. Even though we told him repeatedly we didn't want much. Even though I told him that was not the point of the visit.

Comically the Universe opted to give me an appointment the day I planned to return. Scheduling rearranging. Either Dad comes up while Mom and I have shit to do or he spends his birthday alone.

Time will tell if we even go still.

This morning they gave me a cortisone shot. We'll see how it goes. Truth be told I had a weird god damn reaction and it isn't helping my arm much.

Tomorrow I plan to write. Either you will get original drabble here or a word count

Monday, May 16, 2016

End of My Rope

If I weren't living with my mother right now, I'd be starving, homeless, or both.

I got another bill recently, from a debt collector.

Apparently my ER visit in October had hidden surcharges. That is to say, there was an additional fee that the physician charged, not wrapped up in my 50 dollar a month payment plan from Cape Cod Healthcare.

A fee I had no knowledge of until this bill from the debt collector, which affects my credit score, appeared.

So now I'm going to begin my tale. My mother has contacted State Officials. They want accounts. So I'm writing an account, since I began working under Chris Columbus.

If I cannot fuse these charges with my payment plan, I will now paying out more in living costs then I receive from workman's comp checks.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Inspiration

Inspiration can come from the oddest places. I'll tell you right now I never expected it to be a phone call from my dad after he read "Jezebel has Two Mommys". However apparently it was, a few simple moments of praise and I am getting ready to attack my novel first draft once again.

The First Book of Jezebel: Something Holy This Way Comes.

I'm determined to get the draft done by the time I turn 25, the 30th of June.

Its outlined. I have a fancy new refurbished iMac to write on.

I'm in a warm new environment that allows my creative juices to emerge.

I feel confident.

And I'm out of work until the Doctor's fix me. So this might just happen.

In the mean time, enjoy Red: A Modern Fable.  This one has some rape culture content warnings. But it was the story that really gave me the strength to write original fiction because I presented it at an Honor's Conference and got an amazing reaction.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Literature and Politics

I have long maintained history books are written by the winners, but literature contains hidden truths of an age. Certain things might be written about politics of the age, disapproval of a king or queen's policies, and so forth and so on.

I kind of have a knee jerk reaction to certain things.
Except its a wrist jerk.
Pen jerk?
I write.

Thus I found this video on my facebook feed and nearly threw up. Its basically a Jehovah's Wittness mommy telling her daughter its okay to go back to school and tell her classmate that having two mothers is not okay. (By the way Google Docs, stop telling me I'm spelling mothers wrong. Or Mommys. Well maybe Mommys. I'm not sure if that should be Mommys with y-s or Mommies with Ies.

Anyway. In simple retaliation I wrote a short story set in my little universe of the Nevaeh Agency.
Enjoy.

Jezebel Has Two Mommys

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Owies

The pain in my shoulder.
Well.
Its gotten worse
Much worse.

Now it tends to take the form of painful seizing along my upper back and shoulders. Everything tightens up and pinches and I fight back tears.

They gave me better meds for the pain and an MRI is finally being ordered. That was Monday. Today is Thursday and no word.

I wanna write.
I wanna finish cleaning.

But I'm still healing from the trauma of the Hell House and the betrayal of Peter Pan.

New misery caused by pain does not help.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

May the Fourth Be With You...

Can we all agree Darth Sideous is a bad guy?
What about Coriolanus Snow, from Hunger Games?
Red Skull, in Captain America?

Now time for a harder one.
Lex Luthor, Superman's arch rival?

Some of you may be asking "But Spryte of course he's evil why is that the hard one?"

Well because in the wake of Ted Cruz dropping out of the race, followed by Kasich, real life Lex Luthor Donald Trump has a chance at becoming president.

Its not Trump supporters I reach out to. You have all already decided your racist bigots and don't mind being called on it. He really could shoot five people and not lose another vote. (To be fair, he might get convicted for a felony, and that would stop him).

No, it is sadly, everyone else I reach out to who does not actively endorse Donald Trump.

Bernie Sanders Supporters, more then anyone. Hillary Clinton supporters as well, though they aren't as hostile about "not voting" if their girl doesn't get the nomination, where as Sanders supporters do.

Politics don't matter here. Well, they matter a little.
We cannot allow Donald Trump to become President.
As a bisexual Wiccan woman in love with a gender fluid pan Texan, I fear for a future in his control.
The future described in Margaret Atwood's "The Handmaid's Tail" doesn't seem so unlikely if he takes control.

Or worse, the Fallout franchise. Think about it. The president and the secretary of defense are the only people who have to sign off on a nuclear launch. The only thing that has prevented any of those since World War II ended is the idea of M.A.D.-mutually assured destruction.

In other words if say, in theory we elected Trump and he got mad because Putin suggested he had small hands (or anything else because now its okay for would be presidents to talk about that?). Hopefully the secretary of defense would not clear the launch, but lets say he did.

Putin insults Trump.
Trump launches a nuke at Russia.
That portion of Russia realizes its happening via computers and such. Reminder, Russia is about twice the size of USA.
Even if we could somehow wipe out Russia in one blow, thus assuring no war as a result, you can basically guarantee their last action would be a giant middle finger in the form of their own nuclear warhead.

So, to start off with.
If you are anything but a heterosexual straight white cis male, you need to get out and vote down Trump. Because he is not a candidate who will support you. In fact he may have already suggested you're a rapist, murderer, or terrorist.
If you are a heterosexual straight white male, you probably should get out and vote down Trump anyway.

He doesn't know how to run a business. He always sinks them. But the man can talk people into funding him. Which proves to me he is fairly charismatic and intelligent.

And unfortunately he's also proved to be insane and possibly bipolar. I don't say that as a professional. I say that because I've watched him change opinions faster then a ferret turns its head, and back and forth just as much.

Because he's said stuff like he would date his daughter if she wasn't his daughter, and from way back "we'll wait and she what she inherits from her mother in that department" while gesturing in a way to mean breasts.

If you are a woman, you should be afraid.
If you are transgender, you should be afraid.
If you are not white, you should be afraid.
If you are not straight, you should be afraid.
If you are straight, you should be afraid.
If you are white, you should be afraid.
If you are cisgender, you should be afraid.
If you are a man, you should be afraid.

A nation under Trump is a future to fear.
So we have two options.
One: Collect bottle caps as inevitable currency when the country falls apart, possibly the world.
Two: On November 8th, you get out there and vote against Trump. Preferably all for the same candidate. I know we would all love a third party. That's not going to happen. So Sanders or Clinton, please, to whatever dear and fluffy god you worship, vote for the front runner who is not Trump.

Sanders fans, do not write in Sanders. I support him myself, but if Clinton gets the nomination, all you will do is split the vote-and Trump wins.
Clinton fans: same basic set up. If you split the vote, Trump wins.

So don't abstain from voting. Don't vote for someone who might not stand a chance.
Stand together against a future filled with radioactive mutants and ghouls.
Vote. Down. Trump.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Contradiction: A Drabble

The first thing anyone would notice about Una was she was quite the contradiction. She sat in the cafe with a cup of coffee and a book, like most college graduates were known to. She looked the image of an purity, a fair skinned young woman with pale blonde pigtails tied off with ribbons. She dressed modestly, in a pink tee shirt with a heart on it, a knee length denim skirt, white knee socks, and a pair of tennis shoes. Even her messenger bag spoke of innocence, wearing colorful cartoon character patches and pins with big eyes.
The contradiction to the rest of her chaste appearance was the fact that the table Una had pinned to her table was a recent best selling erotic novel known to feature detailed sex scenes, involving bondage and dominant and submissive relationships. Una the fair haired was angrily highlighting details of text, growling lowly as she wrote notes in the margins.
"Wrong-wrong-wrong-wrong-womb like is not sexy, and a fucking contract?" She snapped before suddenly throwing the book against the window of the cafe she sat outside. After a moment to breath, Una stood up and muttered under her breath as she went to collect it.
"Breath Una. It was a well intended gift. Get through this for your readers. For your readers. Besides. You never know when you'll run out of toilet paper."