"One of his students destroyed it."

So now that Force Awakens is out on home video, I can rewatch till I get sick.

One thing I noticed

In my viewing in theaters I thought Kylo Ren killed a bunch of other Padawans or Apprentices ala Anakin.

This time I listened to Han explain.

Luke had been training a new generation of Jedi

And then one of them (Presumably Kylo) "Destroyed it"

Questions:

How many little Jedi?

How did he destroy it?

What if there were only two?

Ben Solo

And Rey

Origins of Rey aside she is obviously more powerful then Ren. Assuming he's 30 as said (I have my doubts but for theory)

Ren was born one year after Endor

Rey about eleven after.

According to Wikipedia.

Lets say what happened was Kylo Ren, influenced by Snokes, snuck Rey out and dropped her on Jakku. Perhaps jealous of the special attention she got from Luke.

Threatened by her ability, or maybe another Bullshit prophecy. Who knows.

Force Mind Tricks happen. All Kylo would need to do is jumble a young Rey's memory. Again, he has eleven years on her, so easily late teens or twenties.

Follow up: He knows about Rey on Jakku. When one of his followers speaks of BB8 having help from a girl, he reacts not with sexist frustration, nor another hissy fit. But alarm and question: "What girl?"

Thus Luke could have potentially taken off trying to find Rey, because "He felt responsible". But the universe is HUGE. Assuming Ben didn't run off right away.

Next up: Han Solo even thought about going to check Jakku to find the Falcon. But never did. Why?

Potentially a Force Mind Trick. Wouldn't be hard.

The extent he (Ren) fears Rey-he knows who she is. What she can become. What a danger she is. That he knows she is untrained.

Again, this is all conjecture and theory. But its mine.

A Matter of Character

This morning I woke up to angry nerds screaming James Bond has to be a white man. Ashamed to say my father sided with them (For realism; he said. His opinion has been dismissed). I wandered over to Twitter. And discovered more angry nerds talking about why Steve Rogers can't have a boyfriend.

SO I feel the need to clarify something.
Being a woman does not define me.
Being bisexual does not define me.

I am who I am because I am. Nature and nurture have created the Spryte Magnus of today.

So there is no reason James Bond would be any less bad ass as a woman or a black man, or oh my gosh, a Black Woman. (#AgyemanFreemaForBond) He or she would still be a bad ass. They would still be a top ranking spy, 007. They would still be suave, they would still be flirtatious, they would still be a clever devil.

Gender and race do not define a character anymore then they define a person.
It is actions and personality that do.

Beware there may be slight Civil War spoilers ahead.

Now, as for the matter of Bisexual Steve Rogers. One, there is no force in this universe that can tell me he's not. Now he's a confused bi boy because he was from the 40's. There are countless allusions in the comic world. Including my personal favorite despite my hating the pairing, virtually every Avenger asking why he and Tony haven't gotten married yet. [Fun Fact: In an alternative universe where Tony was born a woman, and they did get married. My belief is the hold up is Tony is hetro as they come. That said I still do not support the pairing. One, I just don't see it. Two, Steve knew Tony's father.].

For one, Steggy forever, got it? That said in MCU and in many of the comic verses, poor Peggy has passed on.

This does not excuse Steve kissing people he shouldn't be with minimal to No build up do you hear me Marvel?! DO YOU HEAR ME? THAT WAS COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE FOR SO MANY REASONS.

Anyway.
Here's the thing about Steve Rogers.
He's brave. He's noble and honorable. He believes in freedom and the American Way. He is unbelievably loyal. He's the kid from Brooklyn who repeatedly forged paperwork to try to get into the army. Dreamy. Willing to throw himself on a grenade to save others.

Not one of these all important traits suggests one way or other with his sexuality.
I am in fact pissed at Marvel pushing their heterosexual indifference, which is when a pair of characters are only assumed for possible romance if opposite gender. [Side Eyes the ONLY PART OF CIVIL WAR I DID NOT APPROVE OF. Not because Hetro Steve. But choice of lady and lack of build up].

Anyway. Moving on from that.

Lets talk about my favorite Gaybies, or Bibies. Poe Dameron and Finn.

I actually got into a heated argument with a friend who is normally a slash shipper about them.

She believes they have no chance pairing off because we aren't going to get a same sex couple in Star Wars. Also she ships Finn Rey. We respectfully disagree there.

Side Note: I feel Finn is one very new at life. He only recently won freedom to pick his fate. Which means he's pretty open minded. Definitely bisexual.

Now lets discuss the characters.

Poe Dameron. Sassy. Smart. Clever. Best damn pilot. Single Dad to BB8.
Finn. Brave. Follows his heart. Bit of a closet bad ass. Noble. Loyal to friends.

Once again, nothing in these two suggests sexuality. Well, I could make an argument or two about Finn's bisexuality. The point remains its not part of his personality.

Anyway.

[Look at this Shit]

[Look at his Top Gun Pose]

ANYWAY.

The whole jacket exchange. The excitement at seeing each other again.

Don't get me wrong. Finn and Rey could be cute. But currently Poe and Finn hold way more ship points.

Also someone pointed out Poe's lip bite when he says "Keep it, it suits you".

Lip biting means nervous. Or attracted. Or both.


OKAY sorry now I'm back on track.

The point is, regardless of how Poe or Finn pair off, their characters are not defined by their sexuality.

So lets go over this.
I am not defined by my gender, race, or sexuality.
You are not defined by your gender, race, or sexuality.
Characters are not defined by their gender, race, or sexuality.

I am defined by my experiences and actions.
You are defined by your experiences and actions.
Characters are defined by their experiences and actions.

Thus
James Bond is not defined by his race, gender, or sexuality. He is defined by his experiences and actions.
Steve Rogers aka Captain America is not defined by his race, gender, or sexuality. He is defined by his experiences and actions.
Poe Dameron and Finn are not defined by their race, gender, or sexuality. They are defined by their experiences and actions.

Now in regards to two arguments. One, from my father.
"James Bond and Movies in general have to show realism".

Movies, books, podcasts, music, comics, and video games are under no obligation to show anything. Especially in the genres of spy action fiction, super hero, and scifi.

Now I'll be the first to and an addendum.

Fiction should know show reality as it is. Fiction should show reality as it should be. See in 2012, White House Down, and Olympus Fallen nobody was questioning those black presidents birthplaces. Nor in 24 or the short lived Commander in Chief, though to be fair that one featured a woman president (which we have yet to see) and her nominating a black vice president.

So no, I don't believe movies or media should show reality as it is. I believe media and movies should be used to expose the flaws in the society they were made in. Now, in terms of genres like adventure, I believe Gene Roddenberry summarized in best in regards to Star Trek Next Gen. I will paraphrase.

If the point of the show is space exploration in a futuristic society, no one should give a flying fuck about whether a captain is bald or not.

Similarly, if the movie is about a super spy doing impossible things with advanced technology that doesn't exist yet, no one should care about whether they are black or white or have a penis or a vagina.

(Ditto Scifi but I refuse to deal with the people whining about Star Wars having woman protagonists today. That said I will Will Smith pose at FINN, the OTHER VII protagonist).

If a movie is about Superhero's, no one should care if the hero falls in love with someone of the same sex.

And if its god damn Star Wars the fanbase has way bigger things to worry about then Stormpilot.

Now, another argument.
"James Bond is a symbol of masculinity."

I would say so is Bruce Wayne.

Your argument is invalid. Good day.

There is Another: Part One

Chapter One

Tatooine, a desert planet with two suns, protected from the Empire's interference because of the scum of the universe that resided on its surface. If they tried to take control they'd have far worst then a rag tag rebel alliance to worry about.

Tattooine, home of scum like Han Solo, mercenaries like Greedo, crime lords like Jabba, and idealistic youths who thought they knew everything-like me.

For nearly two decades I was raised under the care of my Uncle Owen and his wife Beru. Moisture farming wasn't a fancy life, and it definitely wasn't easy. But it was my life, even if I spent every night before sleeping considering what I'd do if I could get off that planet. The day everything changed began with hearing my Uncle Owen cursing outside.

I lifted my head from my book, a sole luxury I had managed to save for. It was a Biography of Padmae Amidala, a hero of the Clone Wars, brilliant politician, and the youngest queen Naboo had ever seen-during a turbulent period she was able to help navigate through. Then one day after the Jedi fell, she vanished, her fate unknown. Mysterious fate aside, I idolized her. I fantasized about becoming an astute political figure of influence and cleaning up the planet of crime, thus enabling it to be the place Uncle Ben had dreamed of. A place where people could depend on one another.

The cursing started up again, or perhaps it didn't stop, and I tucked my book under my bed before leaning out the window. There was Uncle Ben, dragging the droid that kept track of our finances, among other chores. It appeared to be smoking.

"Something the matter, Uncle Ben?" I called out. He glanced up and sighed.

"Looks like we'll be heading to the Jawas Caravan, Leia. Get ready to go."

Mary The Force Be With You: Mary Sue Monday Episode I

As name calling on Rey is what started me on this path, I am going to begin this post series in the Universe of Star Wars. At the tail end, there may be spoilers, but at the moment, none of the caracters will be specified.

Now, I'm going to point out Star Wars is an inter-galactic multi planet universe. There are countless species, many humanoid, others resembling giant teddy bears, bipedal collie dogs, or gigantic green slugs. It is a scifi setting where robots are common place and hover craft and space ship serve as the public transit.

There are also space wizards who can use a magical energy called the Force to change the course of their future. Light Space Wizards who use their powers for the sake of others are called Jedi-they generally have green or blue laser swords. Dark Space Wizards who use their powers for self serving purpose are called Sith and generally have red laser swords.

So just a reminder, Wikipedia Identifies a Mary Sue or Gary Stu as

Young

Low Rank

Unrealistic Ability or Talent

Saves the Day

I will be evaluating three characters from the Star Wars Saga.

Character A is young, of low rank, of extreme talent to being a repeated plot point, and saves the day repeatedly.

Character B is young and of low rank whe the story begins, exceptionally gifted, and does not actually save the day, though she does certainly assist in the saving of butts.

Character C is young and of low rank when the story begins, exceptionally gifted, and saves the day.

Which means by Wikipedia standards, all of these characters are Mary Sues.

Now lets go deeper, in the words of Inception.

With the handy tool of The Universal Mary Sue Litmus Test from Springhole.net, I shall evaluate each character and list what they tick off and earn points with, and where they fall on the Springhole Scale.

Character A:

Character receives cybernetic enhancements.

Has unusually liberated views for time and place, which are diassproved by mostly older folks still caught up in hokey traditions.

Is openly defiant of authority figures and generally displayed as justified.

They are unusually talented for their age and experience in multiple fields.

The best at what they do, impressing almost everyone with their talents and abilities.

They can easily control a person with psuedo magic.

Most factions desire the character to join their side for their ability.

Most if not all challenges are overcome, which is to say, they succeed at all they attempt.

Frequently takes out a multitiude of enemies single handedly.

They are a prophecized chosen one to save the universe.

The universe literally brought them into existence.

Even those who don't always like them or approve of them give them a gruding respect.

Character is quazi adopted by other characters.

When character falls in love it is understood to be deep and profound.

Character is born into slavery and extreme poverty.

Unusual birth.

Wittnessed parental death.

Angsts over parental death.

A villain is obsessed over character because of what they are, not who.

Character saves the day repeatedly, far more often then others.

Has assorted lingerring doubts about his moralistic choices, is manipulated not through magical or special abilities but psychologically, and made a severe character judgement that ended in, well, a crap tone of death and destruction.

This character is evaluated by Springhole as having 45 points and being at a very high risk of being a Mary Sue.

Character B:

 

Picked up highly desirable abilities in unprecedented time, and other characters are impressed by their skill.

Has the ability to easily control another person without a sort of magic,

Occasionally "just knows thigns", ie how to do something without consequence.

While in a tight spot, character develops new ability to assist.

Character is bilingual.

Villain is envious because abilities are more then their own.

Wields a legendary weapon.

Another character would like to quazi adopt character.

Character was abandoned and lived alone as a child, raised self in extreme povery.

Villain is obsessed with character.

Character B ranks 30 points, which according to Springhole, is a high risk Sue.

Character C

Character name is a variant of the creator.

Many fights, few scars.

Character is cybernetically enhanced.

When character is defiant toward authority figures, they are portrayed as justified.

Character picks up skills in months that usually take years-and they are extremely desired skills.

Character is the best in their peer group, renowned for their ability, and impress even the jaded.

Has the ability to easily control another person without a sort of magic,

In general succeeds at everything attempted.

Uses a signifigant weapon.

A cosmic keystone, helping the universe by existing.

Extremely popular and liked by most characters they meet, even those who are not normally friendly and initially criticize them. Most of their friends lead exciting and dramatic lives.

Falls in love at first sight.

Through a bond with the character a villain reforms.

Character was not raised by parents, and a major villain was responsible.

Has lost close friends.

Angssts about dead family.

Major villain has obsession with character because of what they are.

Is spared by major villain despite causing them major losses.

Character saves the day with unforseen skill and almost dies.

A skilled assassin fails repeatedly to kill or capture the hero in a series of hilarious blunders.

There is no doubt that, according to Springhole, Character C is a Sue. They have secured 56 points, and anything over 50 points is most certainly a Sue, and ridiculously so.

So, to sum up, 

Character A has 45 points on the Litmus test and is at very high risk of Being a Sue.

Character B has 30 points and is considered high risk of being a Sue.

Character C has 56 points and is thought to most certainly be a Sue.

Before I go into further analysis, let us consider.

One of these characters is Rey. You know, the leading lady and new generation Jedi of Episode VII.

For all the name calling and implying she is a sue and it might mean she is somehow a bad character

Rey is Character B. That's right, she scored the lowest.

Character A is Anakin Skywalker, as he appears in the prequel Trilogy. You know, the unusually young mechanical pod racing genius who built C3PO as a kid and has no father but came to be in his mother's womb simply because the Force wanted him to exist and be the Chosen One. (Seriously, check Wookiepedia). Lets not forget his angst over failing to save his mother, murdering the sand people, and his doomed forbidden romance with Padmae.

And Character C, the most certainly a Sue, who shares a name with his creator? Luke Skywalker. And yes he did fall in love at first sight, he just didn't know it was his twin sister right away. Han Solo is a completed jaded awkwardly not social jerk, if a lovable scoundrel, but he comes back for Luke when he was planning to leave Hoth prior to finding out he was in peril.

(Sidenote: WHY ARE THE SKYWALKERS SHITTY AT KNOWING WHEN FAMILY MEMBERS ARE RIGHT THERE? More on this in Theory Tuesday. Not a new tradition. Just today's post.)

So Luke Skywalker is most definitely, by the Springhole Test and Wikipedia definition, a Mary Sue Gary Stu.

Anakin Skywalker is at very high risk on the test, and by definition a Mary Sue Gary Stu.

And new comer Rey is at high risk on the Litmus, and by definition a Mary Gary Stu.

Springhole.net has additional resources, expanding on the explanation of the test scores.

That said, it also sheds light on why Mary Sue is frequently declared with a bitter after taste.

"Very often, Mary Sues are created for the readers to admire, envy, or pitty rather then Emphasize with.

This is basically an offshoot of the "unearned respect problem-the writer/player expects everyone to think their character is awesome and worthy of admiration or respsect. This type of character is nothing new-Puritan Literature frequently features too-good-for-this-sinfuf-Earth Heroines who were created as role models to Puritan Children. You've probably heard the expression "Little Goody Two Shoes", which is frequently used to refer to someone who acts in a sanctimonious manner-this was originally the name of one of these heroines."

So while Wikipedia defines Mary Stu/Gary Stu as a very common trope, there is a bitter after taste that makes the term feared (which is often overlooked for characters who are identified as male).

Allow me to create and coin a new phraise.

Hairy Stool.

A Hairy Stool is a character who never faces consequences for their actions, who is unequestionably awesome and must be liked by all, regardless of the other characters previous connections or personality. Readers and or viewers are forced to face how awesome and special the creator thinks this character is, without any reason or development to make the character interesting or dynamic. They have romances that make no rhyme or reason with other characters because to be involved makes the other character out of character. They are the only central character and main focus of their story, with no feasible reason why.

A character is not a hairy stool because of any of the following:

They happen to be bad ass

They happen to develop extraordinary powers

They have love lives

They have a traumatic past

They are in general likable

They are prodigies.

They are the main protagonist of a story.

They are only these things if not written well to a point the audience can appreciate.

Example

Bella Swan of Twilight

Clumsy clutz but sort of a bad ass

Somehow immune to vampire mind reading

Is desired by virtually every single male in Forks, despite minimal if any personality and character development.

In general readers are not on good terms with her, or at best they accept her.

Is not just the main character, but the core focus of every single plot is around her. 

Also note, Bella is not a Hairy Stool because of any single one of these-but because she is almost all of them.

Or shall we evaluate the Twilight Knock off, 50 Shades?

The Asshole I think. Christian Grey.

Considered to be a bad ass because he is loaded but in general never really earns the audience's awe. We're supposed to be crazy about him because the narrator is, though worth noting she is a 21 Year old hormonal, sheltered, and sexually frustrated virgin.

Not only does he have multiple fuck buddies/love interests, their obsessions with him are major fucking plot points. Two of them go crazy to get him back or seek revenge.

Character's traumatic past is ridiculously over the top and used as an excuse for their current horrible behavior.

He is not likable. You might have noticed I called him the asshole.

He kind of ticks off the prodigy marker, seeing as he's a grand 27 or 28 years old and is basically and independent multi-millionare of his own making. We are led to believe his wealthy adoptive family. Not to mention the piano thing. At least Edward Cullen had like a century to hone new skills.

For some reason he Co-Stars as the lead ot the 50 Shades of Fucked Up Saga (ACTUAL QUOTE HE USES TO REFER TO HIMSELF) with Anastasia Steele instead of a more interesting character like Kate Kavannagh or Jason Taylor.

Oh, and Anastasia Steele Herself?

Not a bad ass. Doesn't even try. Her clumsyness isn't really a plot device in my eyes. Just an inconvience, and not usually cute.

No special talents developed.

Yes she has a love life, yes there is one creepy rapey friend, and there is one slime ball boss, but they're not nearly as prominent as asshole's former subs. Wait, one former sub, one former dom.

No traumatic past. Multiple married mother, but thats not really that big a whoop.

I do think she is in general likable, if a naive summer child. Some wouldn't like her, some would.

She is the main character, but she is also the narrator. And unlike Bella her world does not have more interesting things going on like Vampires, Werewolves, and the Fanged Illuminati. So for her narrative to focus on her is pretty okay.

Okay but lets jump back to Twilight. If Asshole is a Hairy Stool, Edward has to be-right?

Bad ass. But point a not that uncommon in a world where vampires are a thing and he is one.

Technically a telepathic vampire, but the vampires of Meyers' world have powers of assorted forms. Its just common place.

Love Life. Adores Bella for some reason. Admired by some of the girls at school. Not so serious.

Traumatic past. He kind of has one with Scarlet Fever and all, but its not a seriously overdone past. Its just his past.

In general, is character likable? Arguable. Bella, the narrator is crazy about him. But other characters are generally super wary-the Sheriff, Jacob Black, kids at school.

Prodigy: No idea. I would need to know when he started playing Chess and piano. I mean, he has been around for a while he could have just developed and honed those talents.

Main Protagonist? Not exactly. He is a major character but in New Moon he's barely there, and in Breaking Dawn, Jacob got whole chapters.

Huh.

When you keep in mind that 50 Shades of Grey started as a Twilight Alternative Universe Fanficition called Master of the Universe, it is a little bizarre that where Bella is a Hairy Stool, her knock off character Ana Steele is not. Inversely, Edward Cullent does not qualify, but his alternate self Christian Grey definitely is a Hairy Stool.

WELP side note. Not only will I be evaluating characters on Mondays for their Sueness.

I WILL BE RUNNING THEM AGAINST THE HAIRY STOOL SCALE.

Throughout the Theater My Scream Was Heard

Beyond that, I will say nothing of Episode VII except it did really well and stood on its own two feet. I think back to the prequels and think they weren't bad. Except they had such high standards to live up to. They also weren't great. They were good. Phantom Menace was a fun scifi romp. Jar Jar was annoying but his friend the honorable gun gan was cool. Qui Gon Jim. Pod Racing. Baby Obi Wan.

Episode 2...well I like to pretend it was the last. Again it expanded. Some of the continuity raised questions. In others is truly showed us how Anakin began to fall. His mothers death, his conflicted feelings for Padmae. And tbh the Jedi Council was fun to meet. And CGI Yoda fight. RIP Christopher Lee.

Episode 3...I watched once and vowed never to again. It was decently done but my soul died when Anakin and the Padawans.

Also major questions about Anakin not realizing his wife delivered twins. And that he hadn't killed her. And why did he think she was going to die exactly?

Now. No argument. The original trilogy from the 70's-80's was fars superior.

The prequels weren't bad though.

The problem to be honest is special effects. About late 90's-Mid 2000's, and to some extent still going on, Hollywood began to focus on what they could do. The acting and use of effects became lazy and seconded to "Weee look what I can do with cgi and crap".

Don't get me wrong I love CGI. As a fantasy geek Dany's Dragons in Game of Thrones and Smaug are fantastic.

But in the hey day of the original Star Wars trilogy, there was no CGI. They had to use what they had to its best extent. The original cuts before CGI and new scenes were shoved in are the best.

Because of brilliant acting and effects that while slightly dated are still effective.

Doubt me?

Princess Bride. Epic Fantasy Classic. Limited effects. Master piece.

Movies in the 70's and 80's had to be better. Hollywood was still getting popular. Movies needed to depend far more on writing and acting.

By Episode One...Lucas got lazy. It was more about the almost cartoonish droids. The ridiculus over the top CGI characters introduced. Writing and acting was not the focus.

Among its contempary movies, the prequel series of Star Wars faired well. They were fun. Well. I and II were. And III bridges the two universes we know fairly well.

And my spoiler free review of Episode VII is as follows:

Its bloody brilliant. Its quite possibly the beginning of a new Saga. The focus was on the writing and acting and a Valentine to fans of the original series. There were some excellent effects, but CGI was used sparingly compared to animontronics and the like.

Again I will not compare it to Episodes IV-VI. Not this time because its not fair. But because it is not trying to emulate. It is telling a new story about new characters in a new universe. I applaud and hope VIII is even half as good.