Saturday, December 5, 2015

Divided We Fall

I have before talked about religion. I am a Wiccan. But I firmly believe freedom of Religion means any Religion.

And despite Cardinal Carlin's speech ala Dogma, I do hold the Catholic and Christian Religions responsible for Mistakes of the past.

Especially since Christians tend to hold the entire religion of Islam responsible for the actions of the extremist few.

After all the Christian factions have extremist examples who've killed in the name of their religion. As does Judeasm.

So for better understanding and debating I ordered materials from the library on Islam and the Koran for research. Because as a sadly ignorant friend put it "I don't have time to read the language of the goat fuckers". It is because of him I am starting this project.

In the entire Library system there is a disturbing lack of material on Islam compared to Christianity. Given they have the 2nd most amount of followers of all religion (Christianity is 31% across the globe, Islam is 23%.)

More disturbing: I am terrified of leaving a library with a pile of books on the Koran. Why? Because in our current society in the US I am certain this blog entry alone will get me on some kind of Watch list. Since 9/11 the nation has become hateful and intolerant of Muslims over the actions of a select few who were really messed up in the head. They have terrorized the religion and certain presidential candidates of suggested they wear idebtifying markers-much like Hitler's yellow stars for the Jewish people.

Talks of building a mosque in New York City were screeched at for six years because it was found to be "too close to Ground Zero". I was saddened to read while researching it that what had been hoped to turn into a Religious Community Center has instead been turned into more overpriced NYC apartments. This is basically equivalent to "Sorry you can't build a church and sunday school here we are going to build a luxury resort and hotel instead".

http://www.theawl.com/2015/10/the-sad-true-story-of-the-ground-zero-mosque

Mind you pre 9/11 the greatest terror attack we had ever faced was domestic. The Oklahoma City Capital attack, which ended in over 160 deaths and injuring over 650 others, not to speak of the buildings and car damages ranging a 16 block radius.

The men responsible were Fundamentalist Christians who did not like recent events.

Yet if you go to google Maps there are plenty of churchs in proximity. Why?

Because we understand that the act of terror was the byproduct of two men who happened to be Christian, not caused because they were.

So why can't we appreciate the same of Muslims and Islam?

Racism. Fear. Ignorance.


I can deal with these. Education can combat these.


Its those who refuse to listen to anything outside their own world view that I fear. They are the Timothy McVays and Osama Bin Ladens of the future.

Not the majority of any religion faction.


(Hell have you looked at Satanism? Not even they condone Terrorism).

Counter Argument to "But the Koran says they can kill non believers"

So does the Bible.

As Jesus put it, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Thus if we are blaming entire religions, Christians may not.

"You aren't a patriot you terrorist sympathizer!"

Three of my four grandparents served in World War II. My grandmother had connections to a four star general. Her brother and her father both served. My father's cousins served.

And oh yeah, my father was a first responder to 9/11.


He doesn't like it when anyone calls him that, because he wasn't a cop or a fireman.

He was a member of the EPA out of Edison, New Jersey. He and his team of chemists were at Ground Zero as of 9/12 for months. They tested the air and rubble and smoke for what chemicals had been released with the towers' collapse. This was done for the well being of those who had been and continued to be exposed to those compounds.

Even at 10 I firmly believed if my father left the next day for Ground Zero NYC i would lose him. No, I did not think the terrorists would attack again. But I was right. My father still lives, technically

But when it was done, what came home was a shell of a man. He became apathetic, because how else could he deal with what he had been reminded of every day for months? He was in many ways a ghost. His apathy was one of the major factors that tore my family apart and keeps us apart to this day. He was never perfect, and there were issues even then-but he tried on occasion. When I was seven my parents memorized the first 151 pokemon, in order, so they could talk to me.

When I was 14 and suggested Dad and I resume our old tradition of Sunday Funnies with Manga. He wouldn't consider it. He drifted and while I still have him in a crisis, he lost much of his spirit then.

Dear America. We are at a precipice. We are in many ways akin to Germany after the first World War. Our nation is in debt with no idea how to pay it. We are afraid. And we are looking for someone to blame.

Do not let us become the Germany of World War II. Hell, don't let us become the USA of World War II. While not as bad as Concentration Camps, the Japanese Internment Camps are a blemish on our nation's history from when we turned on our own people.

Islam does not equal Terrorism. But many have it in their heads that it does. The wrong google search can get you locked away for curiousity.

Which is why while I am ordering materials on Islam, I am also ordering materials on Christianity to compare and contrast. And so no one calls national security to pick me up on the way home. (The locals are mostly almost all white right wingers).

Our founding fathers made this country on the premises of freedom of religion. They had seen England torn apart time and time again-not even by what god you believed in, but how you worshipped.

We like to say United we Stand a lot. The other side of that coin is Divided We Fall.

And we are divided.

"Love thy neighbor."-A Certain Middle Eastern Prophet Who Gave Food to the Hungry, Healed the Sick, and Promoted Life Skill Training

Friday, December 4, 2015

Monsters and Corpses

Guns. They are tools for ending life.

All too frequent in the US, they have ended human lives. Because the US is handling guns wrong. Not the banning methods of the UK that have knocked the percentage of homicides caused by guns to 10% (vs US's 60%).*

Nor the intrinsic self responsibility by the Swiss who in their history have only had one mass shooting** (defined as any incident where four or more people were injured or killed because of a gun, compared to the US's 353 mass shootings in 2015 so far)*.

In terms of personal safety from muggers or home intruders, semi-automatic and automatic guns are unnecessary.

In terms of fighting back the US government if it turns on its people, they are as efficient as hiding under your blanket from a theoretical monster in your closet.

In otherwords, useless against an enemy that may never appear anyway.

Lets say theoretically though.

I will cite the fictional Dystopia of Hunger Games-the Capital vs the 12 (once 13) districts.

Once a great revolution was fought by the Districts.


Then the Capital blasted an entire District off the map with an air raid and bombs.

During the Second Revolution of Panem they did it again.

We have that technology now. If an armed revolution formed equipped with only guns, the government officials would never get close enough to them for bullets to mean a damn thing.

Nor would they send armed soldiers and expect them to turn on their friends and family.

If the US government turned on its people, it would not give them a fighting chance like that.

Not when drones, nuclear bombs, and chemical warfare exists.

Which means the 300 million or so guns in the US, nearly one for every man woman and child (in the hands of a third of a population) do little to nothing for our protection.*

Instead in the absence of legal regulation and social responsibility, guns turn men into monsters and children into corpses.


Sources:


*


http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-34996604


**


http://world.time.com/2012/12/20/the-swiss-difference-a-gun-culture-that-works/

Benny

Still Alive! The first trip to Neverland was swamped. I have never gone through this much change. The trip back is slower. Tomorrow is Saturday. It has been implied there is a lull. Tomorrow's entry is going to get political-guns and gun control. Tonight I am exhausted.


eut Neverland. Mom refers to the region we live, what I call England on this Blog, as where the One Percent live.

Neverland is where the one percent of the one percent live. For instance anyone in retail or cash handling jobs can tell you that for bills larger then twenties you have to mark them with a counterfiet detector pen. Most customers don't notice. Today?

Me: [does a line on the edge of the hundred to watch color]


Man: Why do people always do that to hundreds?

That he has seen enough hundreds to notice disturbs me.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Let it Gooo

So today has been interesting. I woke up early and drove to see Chris Columbus. Note: My car is fixed! Yaaaay!

Anyway. Dependability was discussed.

Bad News: I am now part time


Good News: This does not affect my hours only my benefits. Like the insurance I hate. Also I get a pay bump of 1.25 an hour.

This combined with the 50 dollars given back for a clean drug test began a decent day. Zipped by Walmart, got on my Solstice Cheer. Happy Holidays One and All, whatever they may be. Mama got me a ting silver tinsel tree that I have been decorating.

Note: When buying bandeau bras always go two sizes up. Also buy guy pants. Sizes are more consistent and way bigger pockets. And better made.

That said. Saw the Therapist yesterday. The nurse practitioner today. Same building. They both came up wierdly....

Blank. Not bad. Not good. Just blank. I've got odd vibes. Going back to them both at least once. See if when its not intake it goes better.

Feeling kind of blessed to be honest. With everything else. Still hunting for a place to call home. Back to work tomorrow, am told the Neverland Stroll is brutal. So posts may be a bit briefer.

Mom and I are considering Chinese for dinner. Then home to clean up cookies an attempt Mission 29 of Phantom Pain without Quiet.

...after Frozen. Because Mom and I heard Let it Go at the store and Sang Along.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Adventures in Therapy

10

minutes till appointment. I am definitely going to ask if the next appointment can be January. Then I will be covered by superior health insurance.

The complex is...

I had to take a key to open the bathroom. Imagine my surprise when there were multiple stalls. Which means like much of this accursed Main land city, its to keep out the Homeless in need of shelter.

Totally the image of compassion I want from my new therapy building.

Not liking the vibe. At all. Hope the therapist is better.

If she says one word about my online relations lacking reality I am out the door.

Crossed Lines

So I'm supposed to see Chris Columbus tomorrow for our meeting about dependabillity. That's how I had it copied into my Calendar. This was because I had to check my date book for an appointment I didn't have yet. Technically I am getting that appointment today and probably rescheduling.

At about 9:19 the head honcho called and revealed he'd been expecting me today. Now I just feel a cluster of insecurity. We shifted, and while he didn't sound angry I'm just...ugh.

Plus side I see my new therapist today. Hopefully that won't cost me an arm and a leg.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

My Future, My Choices

Dear Mom,


Dear Dad,

I don't know if you will ever either see this. But as the story about Colleen Ritzer plays again at work I know I have to get it out.

When I was  a bright eyed girl of 19 I decided I wanted to teach. All I could think of was how my good and great teachers had helped her me and I wanted to do the same.

Then Sandy Hook happened. You may recall I wound up with secondary trauma. I knew no one, but because I'd been at a school observing that day and the news coverage I had trouble functioning.

I gathered myself. Healed. Went back. Learned all about how our current educational modules are outdated. But never the skills I would need.

Not until my penultimate semester. When it was too late to change directions. Unit plans are terrifying. Lesson Plans aren't too bad. But unifying unit plans with D.O.E. standards makes my head spin.

And now the court case for the murder of Colleen Ritzer is on the news almost daily. She was my peer. Attended my university. Took the same classes for education. Was one of the best teachers you could ask for.

And staying behind after school to help a student she was rewarded with a brutal murder.

There was another shooting in Roxbury yesterday. One student was shot but still.

Mom, Dad, I know I have this degree and credentials to teach. But I can't. My head spins and my stomach turns. I don't have a single unit plan on my computer. And I'm scared.

I'm too shaken up. I know the probability that the school I teach at would be the location of a violent crime is unlikely. It doesn't help.

Not knowing if I'd been a year older or better adjusted in my degree transfer I could have been posted in Danvers for student teaching.

I'll find work. Hell its not glamorous but I am working. I'll apply for other school positions. Assistant of sorts. But I don't think teaching is in my future. I know that's hard to accept and I am sorry it took so long to figure it out.

Mom, I know how much a lack of 3 college credits has affected you in finding a job. My degree isn't helping much. Most degrees don't these days. Thats why I'm looking for scholarships in Engineering.

I'm talented with math and science. I just never looked into it far. At 19 career options was not on my mind.

Which leads into Texas.


I'm not worried about not being able to teach there. Its not in my cards. Heh, cards. I think I'll do a reading when I'm done writing this.

No, we have no family in Texas. Dad is considering Virginia, and honestly he's a better support from afar. Sorry Dad.

Mom. I hope you wind up in Denver. You know why.

But I can't pick where I live to be close to a parent. Dad did that. And while I love Grandpa still, that involvement destroyed my parents' marriage. It was constantly a battle for Dad. It was his father over his wife. His father's wife over his wife. It was impossible to make choices like confront his father to keep his family.

Which is why I cannot make that same mistake.

Mom, I know we are closer. And I do not begrudge you time spent together. But my last move-that wound up here in the Hell House-was to be near you. And that is why I haven't bolted. I can't leave you in this mess. And I won't leave suddenly either.

I plan to visit Texas to see my sweetie in February. You know this. I will get a feel for her area then.

But I have done my homework.

Yes. Texas is a red state. For now. It is also huge and diverse. It has a multitude of regions. Yes, work is hard to find. But thats true everywhere these days. Yes, there are Bigots and Racists-but the current locale has those a plenty.

However my own research reveals Texas is slowly changing. Because of its costs young people like me are going there to make lives. There are regions. Texas is a nation in a nation. We don't judge the US for Florida or California or Rhode Island.

I'm going to start getting a newsletter. I'm not leaving tomorrow. Or the day after. In the unlikely event of a full ride scholarship to the Uni of Austin, maybe September. Its not likely.

Mom, I will not strand you. I promised you 2 years. You will get it. Maybe longer. But I need to make my life for me. Maybe I will make mistakes. But the biggest would be not making my own choices.

Texas is not ideal. But I can't afford to move anywhere that is. And Texas has someone I love. She has a huge supportive family.

Friends? I'm a child of the internet age. All my friends are reached from the web and scattered across the country. I'm okay with this. It makes travel easier.

Rest assured I will not leap before I look. Should I make this move in a year or two, I will make hella sure I can take care of myself. If not a full ride, a full time job.

It is my future. I promise to learn from your mistakes. And maybe I'll make my own. But thats for me to find out.