Side Note: I just fused my two posts for the night.
One thing I do know about myself is I am a writer. And one of my new year's resolutions is to outline, draft, and edit a whole novel without starting a new one and getting distracted.
To make sure I hold true to that goal and to write a blog daily, I have two methods. One: the five minute writing challenge, with which I hope to write a novel about Princess Prism in Magia.
Two: A little brown book I picked up at Five and Below called "400 Writing Prompts." Its just random entries to get me writing. I will be transcribing my response to one of those entries at the end of this post.
Its a brand new year. I face the new year feeling bright and brave. The future is a mystery but I have hope.
Being in love is an amazing change. It can defy my pessimistic shell.
In my current position in life, I'm in a house share directly responsible for new health problems including increased blood pressure and weight gain, as well as a jump in my anxiety levels. This almost all stems to my insane land lady who brings hell down on all the tenants if any one of us dares to pass through the kitchen, much less use it to prepare a nutritious meal.
For this reason I wound up using part of an amazon gift card to acquire a juicer. That is a machine that turns all the vegetables I forget to eat into a juice I can drink instead. I will be acquiring air tight containers in the near future to try to store the veggies between beverages, and to transport extra to work.
Not sure I don't have a binge eating disorder. Side note whoever decided that PSA needed to go on the air two days before Thanksgiving should burn in hell.
I'm working at a job I less then love which can be massively inconvienient between irregular schedules and overnight closing/opening shift. It is the most competitive pay by around $3 dollars an hour, so leaving would require an extraordinary or else big girl job. (Side note: another new years resolution).
Mom and I are looking for new housing to call home. Because our area is filled to the brim with asshole land owners and rich snobs who don't even occupy their homes for three quarters of the year, this is a difficult thing to do. However until we leave I don't dare change jobs, so I can say I've been at my current employment for half a year. Nor can I write Peter Pan and tell him what I really think of him. As we cannot tell his mother we want to move out without complicating life massively, we need him as a reference instead.
I do worry about Mom. We are close, but I think sometimes we are at the point she needs me physically there while I just need her emotionally there. I get in-in our current region making friends and contacts is insanely difficult.
I won't discuss any of this at the moment with her because she is dealing with a post holiday broken heart. But the fact is I know my future will not be where she is. Because my mother will not consider, and probably should not consider, moving where I intend to spend a good chunk of the rest of my life.
The whole country sucks. A group of gun toting crazy men just took over a national park or some such in Oregon, occupying the building and controlling who can go in and out. Worse, several of the of the GOP front runners are supporting their right to do so. Which doesn't exist because what they are doing is called terrorism. We just don't like calling white extremists that.
You can't obtain perfect happiness. There will always be a better life.
What you've got to do is pick a life, accept its not perfect, but obtain something that does make you happy. Don't look at the siilver lining on a lead cloud.
Look at the grass the damn rain makes. Look at the ground as snow finally melts away.
Find something that makes you happy and go deal with how crappy the world is near it.
Or someone.
Jen is not Jim.
When I do go to Texas to be with her, I know we will be beginning lives together.
For once in my life I am trusting my heart. What else can I continue life based on at the moment? The job I accept as it pays the bills?
A degree to get a career I chose while living a lie? I don't want to teach and finding stable employment with a Bachelor's degree in English is such a joke, theres a musical number about it.
At the moment, Mom and I are agreed-we need to get out of here and live together for two years to stabalize and heal from all the bullshit life has thrown at us.
After that...I'm going to talk about long term plans with my sweety. Maybe in less time. We'll see. I don't intend to leave my mom high and dry while I run off to the lone star state.
But I plan to pursue happiness.
And now for Spryte writes.
Prompt:
While at the beach, you decide to write a message in a bottle. What would it say? Who would you like to find it?
Answer
Whoever you are. Whenever you find this. Unless you are a dictator or otherwise a leader of an unwilling people, you are magnificent. To live is an awfully big adventure. Everyday is a challenge, but it is worth it. Fight for what you believe in. Raise your voice and confront unjustice-even if its not about you. Find a place you can call home.
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