Tuesday, November 29, 2016

I Know Why You're Alone

The world of Tumblr Role Play is an odd place. I have traversed multiple fandoms, from the small oft forgotten Final Fantasy VII to the massive Once Upon a Time. After a particularly nasty experience in the latter, I became a bit more gun shy. Now in terms of fandoms I have two favorites: BBC's Merlin and Game of Thrones.
There I was on a new Margaery Tyrell blog when you addressed me. You expressed a preference to NSFW RP, which I could understand. But I didn't appreciate what you meant till after we began talking on Skype.
I was offline for reasons of my mental health when the public shunning occurred. I didn't bother you, but I looked into it. And I tried to discuss my findings with you.
You don't seem like a bad person. You seem like a person. Human, flawed, but mostly good.
Except.
Asking for NSFW off the bat is kind of odd. Because I was in great shape when we started writing, mentally sound and into the idea of a new story, I accepted.
But then it became mostly smutty. I began to lose focus as my mental state got rough. I can't focus on smutty at my prime, not non stop.
I thing I have tried to explain to you. A thing I have explained to you time and time again.
I get "Can we try" and "I don't see why you won't at least try".
Do you understand how that feels? I'm telling you no because I'm not up to it. I'm telling you no because its not my flavor. I've told you I'd be willing to write less smut centric plots.
I never agreed to your commission. I said I would consider it, if I was up to it, if I researched the prices and found your pay rate acceptable.
I'm not okay.
I told you, I'm suffering from Generalized Anxiety and Depression. I told you these affect me. I told you I was trying to go on a hiatus.
I have told you no. I have told you I'm not up to it.
And you have refused to accept it. You have asked what's wrong with smut even if I tell you.
Let me set this in a different light.
Lets say it wasn't writing. Let's say it was real sex.
(As you know, never going to happen because I'm in a happy relationship, but this is to make a point).
I told you no.
You're asking why not.
I told you I'm not up to it.
You asked why we can't try.
I said it wouldn't work.
You cited its been a month since we last.
This is rape culture. I know you don't mean it that way, but its intrinsic and part of how you think-without thinking about it.
I have told you I cannot do a thing. That should be enough.
I want to be a supportive friend. I don't want to cut you off like I know so many people have. But I know why they cut you off.
You're pushy. You never take no for an answer. You're passive aggressive. You attempt guilt trips. I don't know if you know you're doing it, but you are.
You come across kind of creepy at first. I got over that because I realized its not what you're trying to do.
But that's why others walk away. Its why I won't talk to her for you. Because I know exactly why she blocked you.
If its anything like I'm dealing with.
She tried to be your friend. She tried to be supportive. But you wanted things she couldn't give you. I don't know what. But I suspect guilt tripping and passive aggressive comments were involved.
That is harder to unravel your behavior. But how about one simple step:
When someone says no, to anything, you accept it.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

When It Rains

Me and my Depression are not okay. I am currently trying to figure out how to sleep through tomorrow.

I got a late letter today from the worker's comp company. They want to cut me off. I knew this was coming of course, but the fact that the letter was late, came on Saturday, and was originally sent to the wrong address-not a fun combo.

I'm terrified to be honest. But its the waiting that's the worst. I left a voice mail for a lawyer I've been talking to-and emailed her the documents.

They got the documents in August 9th. Why the hell did it take them three or four months to process this when an IME from the beginning of August to tell me they were attempting to terminate? I've been waiting for four months in pain for a stupid pain clinic consult-now in four days time.

And now my stomach is in knots. Did work get this same letter? Am I expected to report to the office? I can't work, no matter what their doctor said. I cannot pick up ten pounds for durations, I cannot stand for durations, hell-I can't sit and game for durations without pain! I can't clean a pantry. And oh yeah-virtually all of the muscle relaxants and pain relievers they have prescribed interact with my anti-anxiety meds causing a seratonin reaction. So I've been having to choose pain or mental state for way too long now, and I'm cheering because hey pot's going to be legalized in this state, maybe that can help me with all of the above!

I'm 25 years old with a bizarre injury of unexplained nature. And they have done nothing to fix me. They have done everything short of call me a liar-including one doctor who had the gall to ask me why I wasn't better! I don't know, aren't you the one who went to medical school. I'm just an English Major!

So right now I'm anxious and angry and I can't calm down and I'm just...pissed.

And I can't do anything until Monday, because that's when the Lawyer is back in the office.

Friday, November 25, 2016

Day After

Thanksgiving was shockingly peaceful. Mom and I had a turkey stuffing pot pie. And her pumpkin pie is amazing. We've been binge watching Gilmore Girls. I have all kinds of new feelings based on my own worldly experiences.

I tried out World of Warcraft. Black Friday sale. Five dollars and a month of play. My chosen sister is super excited.

I will give it another shot tomorrow.
But right now I find the game play lacking.

Nervous about the upcoming pain clinic consult.  Not long now.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Lost in Limbo

Its been a while since I wrote. Probably too damn long. But I’ve been caught in a limbo, and finding my groove…I haven’t been able to.

My right arm is starting to lock up. I had intended to finish the second draft of my novel by the end of the month. I’ve barely touched it to edit. I kept giving myself reasons. I wanted to write a short story in the universe first. But I couldn’t finish it. And even now I know I’m going to rewrite it.

People think writing is easy. It’s not. You need to be in a reasonable place to start writing. You need to be able to focus. And I’m been in a strange place of late.

I haven’t had any medical treatment since August. That was when the Workman’s Comp Insurance send me to one of their personal paid doctors for an IME-Independent/Insurance Medical Evaluation. I got an MRI of my neck shortly after, but no one has seen it. The Orthopedic recommended I consult at a pain clinic, without a solid diagnosis or even an idea the source of my pain.

And the Doctor who pointed me to the orthopedic basically said it was on him.

And because of the IME I haven’t been allowed to see a second Orthopedic Doctor. I will finally be consulting at the clinic at the end of the month, though the fact is I still don’t have a diagnosis-and I’d rather not treat the symptom but the cause.

So I figure this upcoming meeting will go to more doctor visits and waiting. 
I have tremors in both arms now.

Mom has her own stuff. Not great, but I’m not allowing myself to worry. Only to help where I can. She wouldn't have it any other way.

I’m trying to find a routine. Sleeping and waking  up on schedule. Making sure I eat three meals-believe it or not I think I’ve gained weight because I’m not eating enough day to day. Thus my biological and evolutionary response is to horde my body weight, not lose it, because it thinks I’m starving.

I figure routine is good. I mean I’ve been playing video games again-which is a nice feeling. It gives me a sense of accomplishment.

I’m trying to do more around the house. Clean up one area per day. It causes aches and pains but its a trade off. I either get pain and my sanity. Or I get to be generally painless but mentally unwell.


I’ll try to write here again. Once a night. Working it into my routine. Got my little writing prompt book in my desk drawer, if I need it.

Friday, July 8, 2016

Of the Silver Isle and Shadow Magic

It began with a rebellion. In the Kingdom of Magia, the King Belvedere was a cruel and unjust son of his family. It was suspected he had murdered his brother after his father died of mysterious circumstances. Lady Faye led a rebellion, assisted by the Shimmer Mystics. The King was usurped and slain, but his concubine escaped with his twin sons and swore vengeance.

Twenty years later Alina found herself alone. She was a Mystic, shunned from her family when she became pregnant. Somehow that shunning came to save her life when the rest of her people were killed by a Dark Wizard named Wirchi, who feared the magic of her clan.

But by leaving Alina the last one, all of her people's power became hers. Thus she became the first Silver Lady, when her people's powers drew her to her ancestral homeland: Moss Isle, in the Shimmer Sea, protected by the Mystical Mist. It was that Mist who carried her away.

Meanwhile Wirchi, truly Wolfram son of Belvedere, and his brother Crimse, truly Andre son of Belvedere, believed the Mystics were eliminated and plotted the kidnapping of Queen Faye's daughter, Princess Sylph. They caught her kidnapper, Wolfram offering him to the queen as a token of good faith. Andre meanwhile hid the infant princess in a secret location.

Moss Island had long been empty, but Alina's return awoke its own dormant magic. She found shelter in structures, built into and around the foliage of assorted and unexpected colors. She studied in the island's temple on how to wield her magic, and then people began to appear. Some would stumble out of the forest's fog, others would wash ashore. It didn't take her long to realize her return to the island had awoken its own magic as well. Each of the people who arrived described a situation they needed to escape from-be it a pursuant, a captor, or simply a situation. They came to Moss Isle for safety, shelter, or sanctuary. The island became a community of second chances.

Such people helped Alina give birth to a son, Gabriel.

When Gabriel was a young man, he spoke with his mother about finding allies off the island. While Alina was hesitant, she agreed, and crafted a pair of Shimmer Stones. These were simple river rocks from the streams of Moss Island, smooth and grey. However with Alina's blessing, the blessing of the Silver Lady, they could help a ship make it through the mystic mist protecting the island. One was for Gabriel to return, and the other for whomever he entrusted with it. The hope was to find someone who could become a trusted ally of Moss Island.

Back in Magia, Wolfram was plotting the death of Queen Faye-after he returned the Princess Sylph heroically, and arranging his marriage to her. However his first sworn warrior, a Cursed Angel, Shannon, had fallen in love with the Princess he had been tasked with the care and protection of.

Alina said good bye to her son and saw him onto a small sail boat off the island. It would be the last time she saw her son, though she wouldn't realize that for some time. It was time for Gabriel's adventure to begin: The First Golden Guide.It would be fair to say Gabriel became distracted when he reached the world beyond his homeland. It was bigger then he could have believed, and more people then he could have imagined. In his travels around the world, wandering and learning, he met a young woman named Imogen. As he was optimistic, she was pessimistic, and in her own way gifted. Imogen had the power to traverse the streams of time. It was in this way that the two of them began to travel together. In an odd way their powers made them ageless, and their adventures were countless.

One of those adventures came with the Cursed Angel Shannon decision to tell Sylph the truth about Wolfram, who had raised her. While she hesitated, she couldn't deny some of the points he made, and when he tried to talk her into leaving the forest manor, she agreed.

Wirchi and Crimse pursued them, but Shannon and Sylph came upon Imogen and Gabriel. When the Wizard and his brother began to close in, Shannon entrusted them with the Princess and turned to delay the enemy he had once served. It cost Shannon his life, but Imogen and Gabriel were able to bring the princess to her true home.

Their actions revealed, Wolfram and Roux had to hide once more. Angry, Wirchi hunted the duo who had brought Sylph home, who he held responsible for his exile. That was how he learned Gabriel was of the Shimmer Mystics, and that their blood line and magic continued.

One of the Shimmer Stones had already been entrusted to a witch, but Wirchi could sense that they had the other. He demanded it, but Gabriel fought him off and managed to escape with Imogen a short distance. But he knew they would be hunted, and he gave his then pregnant companion the stone and told her to skip through time to escape and return to his home. Imogen waited until the last possible moment to do so, when Wirchi's shadows surrounded them. Gabriel and Imogen shared one last kiss, and she escaped. Infuriated he had lost a way to the Silver Lady, Wirchi used his Shadow Magic to erase Gabriel's memories. Thus Gabriel became the first Cursed Angel at Wirchi's command, believing himself alone and orphaned in the world, taken in by the wizard.

Imogen eventually reached Moss Island, carrying a pair of infant twins-a boy, named Maldoon, and a girl named Artemis. Upon meeting them, Alina knew the children were her grandchildren, and Remi held the spark of the shimmer magic she was familiar with. Imogen tearfully told her what had happened to Gabriel, and with a heavy heart Alina welcomed her to the island. Once her children became a young man and woman, Imogen left the island, determined to find out what had become of Gabriel. Thus it was Alina began to teach her grand daughter the ways of Silver Magic, to become the Silver Lady after her.

Wirchi still continued to hunt the shimmer stone he knew was on the mainland, somewhere. He eventually came upon a magical assassin named Witch Hazel Tamore, who remembered his Cursed Angel Gabriel. She said he and his golden haired companion had come to her mother many years earlier. It took little to learn Hazel and her mother had parted ways with she had taken another apprentice named Helena, fearing her own daughter would misuse their magics.

Wirchi revealed to Hazel his true name, Wolfram, and introduced his own twin brother, Andre, known as Roux. They were practically identical, but Hazel always knew the different between them. The two brothers, along with the enthralled Gabriel, began to track and hunt Hazel's mother. During this time Wolfram began to feel a draw to the deadly woman they traveled with, but it was Andre she began to have dalliances with.

Everything changed when they found the witch they sought. Wolfram encouraged Hazel to torture her own mother to find out where she had put the shimmer stone, and Andre became so disturbed he left, swearing never to see either of them again-unaware Hazel was already pregnant with his daughter. He became a Thief and Spy, keeping his name Roux now.

Hazel's dark fate was sealed, her soul surrendered to Shadow that faithful night. After learning that her mother had sensed them coming and sent Helena away with the Stone, Hazel cut her own mother's throat on Wolfram's encouragement. That night they became entangled as cursed lovers in the dead witch's blood.

They would pursue Helena, but when Hazel's condition became clear they went upon their search in a less direct tactic. They began to find more people to work for them, toward their goal of power and chaos. Wolfram's most trusted Cursed Angels would be a former war hero turned bitter, Travis Jackson, and a shapeshifter named Deirdre.

When Hazel gave birth to her first child, she was able to pass the girl off as Wolfram's-but she knew without a doubt Daphne was truly Andre's daughter. And something began to change in her, as when Daphne grew to show her own magical gifts, Wolfram began to put the child through terrifying trials to nurture them. He would bury her alive, trap her in a ring of fire, and even hold her under water. Hazel only realized this after becoming pregnant with her second child, after marrying Wolfram and becoming Lady Belvedere.Hazel confronted Wolfram, revealing the truth of Daphne's paternity, and threatening to leave with his true First Born if he continued to harm his daughter in these ways. She knew the importance of this, that a first born child would inherit whatever magic Wolfram had if he perished, not to speak of their own potential gifts.

Cornered but angry, Wolfram ceded, but he watched her like a hawk. Hazel found herself and her daughter kept in the manor, unable to leave. Travis watched them in Wolfram's stead, but it seemed like the watch would end when Hazel gave birth to her second child, Quinn. She believed perhaps Wolfram would relax, having his own son, but Quinn was not as gifted as his sister. It took him longer to learn how to walk, to talk, and when his magic began to show he was ten, not five, and his powers were much weaker.


Becoming afraid for her son, worried Wolfram would put him through the same trials he had put Daphne through. So she began to train her daughter in secret, teaching her the ways of an Enchantress. In time Daphne was able to send out a message for help to Helena, who had once been Hazel's dearest friend.

While Helena was hesitant, she could not ignore her friend's plea. She had been on the run for fifteen years, but she finally made her move to go to Moss Island.

It was there Helena met Maldoon and Artemis, and pleaded with the Silver Lady and her Golden Guardian to help her. Artemis's magic was the only kind that stood a chance against Wolfram's. Their grandmother advised against it, as Remi's powers were not yet mastered, but they went anyway.

It became a scheme of infiltration. Maldoon took on the name of Romulus, and offered his services to become a Cursed Angel. That was how he infiltrated the manor and found Hazel. He became her messenger back to Helena and Artemis, though by chance the fates had them become lovers. Unfortunately her son, Quinn, spied them kissing one evening, and ran to tell his father, whom he only ever wanted to please.

Wolfram was infuriated like none had seen him before. He had Maldoon locked in his dungeon, and told Travis to stand guard. Knowing she too would be imprisoned soon, Hazel smuggled out her daughter Daphne, then fifteen, to tell Helena and Artemis what had occurred.

It took them no time to lead a raid to rescue Maldoon. Wolfram found himself unexpectedly injured by Artemis's silver magic, and Helena took Travis captive so Gabriel and Deirdre could not interfere. The twins never realized the man was their father, and escaped.

Hazel was imprisoned in the cellar after that, Wolfram expecting her to waste away. But then one day eight months later, an unexpected sound rang from the lowest level-a crying new born, a boy certainly not his for he and his wife had not been intimate for over a year. Further angered by the proof of her affair with Maldoon, he stole the child from her weakened arms and discarded him in the woods, returning after to force himself on her-knowing in her weakened and wasted state another child would surely end her life

However the son of Maldoon and Hazel did not die. By some strange twist of fate, Roux found him. He claimed the child to  raise and named him Jayden, unsure how to care for him but trying to the best of his ability.After leaving Belvedere Manor, Artemis and her brother had split up. Remi had dragged Travis back to Moss Island as a captive, but it was there his soul began to heal from the wicked things he had lived through. It wasn't long before his loyalties changed from Shadow to Shimmer. A year after his arrival, he and Artemis fell in love, and within another year they were married and gave birth to their son, Troy Jackson.

A  year before that Helena and Maldoon learned of Hazel's death, as she gave birth to a final child-Tobias Belvedere. The two were heartbroken for their lost love and lost friend, and began to venture through the land of Magia to lead resistance and rebellion against Wolfram, with the the silent and secret support of the King, Draco Hadley. A few years into this effort they found new hope and love in each other, and were wed by the King.

But their happiness ended almost as soon as it began. Helena learned of her own pregnancy as Deirdre came upon them, blaming them for Travis's abduction and departure. The two had been lovers themselves, and shortly after his departure she had learned she carried his child. She sought them not just for Wolfram, but to find Travis. Once again the lovers were forced to run, not bearing the silver magic to defeat the Dark Wizard.

A few years after Troy was born, Maldoon returned to the island alone, heart broken, carrying the shimmer stone Helena had in one hand, and the other arm carrying their daughter. Helena had died as a result of a curse from Wolfram, and they had barely saved their child. She was named Tessa, and after Artemis would become the next Silver Lady.

Meanwhile, Tobias's own magical training and torment had begun. He had learned how to walk, talk, and wield magic in half the time of his sister. By three he was proficient in all of them, and by five his tormenting training was well under way. He began to dream of a woman he believed his mother, who tried to comfort him in his sleeping hours. He found new strength, but when he was six Quinn showed their father's temper and tried to kill his little brother. Wolfram had pulled them apart, but applauded Quinn's drive.

Tobias had been horrified, and had told the woman he spoke with in sleep of what had occurred. She had been shocked, and told him to hang on, she was coming for him.Daphne was a young woman then, and had become the governess of the infant princess of Magia. She spoke with the King and apologized that she had to leave. She had tried to avoid her childhood home, but when she had the dreams of her baby brother she knew it was only a matter of time before she returned.

She knew to wait, because she knew Wolfram would bury Tobias in a crate in the yard and leave him there. Once her uncle left, for she had learned the truth from her mother some time ago, she dug up Tobias and picked up her baby brother, apologizing for taking so long.

What she had not realized then was that Wolfram didn't interfere because he, his Cursed Angels, and Quinn were leading a coo of the Magia royal family. When they returned to the castle through a secret passage, the King Draco was in battle with Wolfram, and barked at Daphne to save his daughter. SHe didn't wait, one hand gripping Tobias's tight as she charged down the passage. When she arrived, Quinn held the baby Princess Seiran in his arms. Not caring he was her brother anymore, instead deciding the blood of the covenant she had sworn was thicker then water of the womb, Daphne threw magic at him and snatched Seiran from the air. When Quinn called out for help, Tobias used his own magic to teleport himself, Daphne, and Seiran away to safety.

After King Draco was defeated and banished, his cousin took the throne. He had three children-Cloten, Samson, and Muriel. After their mother was found to be spying on the new King, and having a romance with Roux, then King of Outlaws, she was executed. The children inherited a violent legacy. When Muriel was still a child, she became aware of Samson's cries in the hall. When she stepped out she discovered Cloten slicing off their brother's hair, declaring he had let it become girlishly long, not caring if he cut skin or scalped the younger boy. Muriel threw herself at Cloten, enabling Samson to run away and call for help, but it came at a high cost. Enraged by her disobedience, Cloten began to beat his young sister with his belt. By the time help came, Muriel's back was so raw she was bed bound on her stomach. Their father referred to it as simply teaching her obedience, but Muriel swore that it would never happen again.

When she finally healed, though countless scars covered her back and would ever more, she snuck into her eldest brother's room and stole the knife he had been using to cut their brother's scalp. After she took a small satchel of the treasury and she ran away, leaving that life behind her. She became Mink, a thief.
As it was, Roux was then heart broken twice over. Though he had organized the Order of Outlaws, and Jayden ran a small orphanage with a percentage of their treasures, he had lost much of his spirit. Then Mink appeared, with the secret scroll revealing their location in hand. The only way one could get it was to steal it from one of his top commanders. Despite her young age, Mink was clearly talented, and he took her on as an apprentice

Travis began to fear Wolfram, knowing the Dark Wizard was hunting the bloodline of the Shimmer Mystics. That included his own son now, his wife, his brother-in-law, and his niece. Moss Island had become precious to him. Despite his wife's protests, he organized a small group of men and women and sailed off to learn more, to plot Wolfram's defeat.

After he was gone for several years, Artemis entrusted her son with her brother, and left to find out his fate. While their grandmother was ageless, the power favored the younger women of the line. It wasn't until she felt a surge of magic she learned Remi had certainly died, and Tessa would be almost as powerful as she had been at the beginning.

A child without a mother, protected by her cousin who had no children.

However, what they didn't realize was Remi hadn't passed on. She had died, yes, after becoming ill with plague. But on her death bed, a dark stranger named Lord Soren appeared to her. He offered her life after death, and she accepted. When he asked why, she had begged him because she had a child she wished to see again.

When Remi awoke after death shut her eyes, she was in a castle in the mountains. Lord Soren explained he was a Child of Death, who could live off borrowed life force. It could be blood, but he preferred not to while he had other means-though blood exchange was the most powerful. That was how he had saved her in the end. They were connected now, and he would help her learn what happened to her late husband. Now ageless, she lost track of time, but found her unmoving heart began to call for her savior.








Meanwhile, Travis had been long ended in this life. But soon so did his first son by Deirdre, Nikos, who left behind a wife and children. That was how Mina became entangled with the Cursed Angels. She was pure and innocent, but desperate to see her children cared for. Thus Wolfram tasked her with a horrible burden-to find her way to Moss Island, and present the current Silver Lady of the Shimmer Magic with a cursed black rose.

In her travels to learn how to reach the secret sanctuary, she was accompanied by Wolfram's son, Quinn. He was charmed by her as he watched her send her pay away toward her children's care.  Nikos had mentioned her, and their children, and Wolfram's son had been confused by their family. Even if he was touched by the emotions and loyalties he saw. It was possible Mina was the one person he ever truly cared about, but in the end he couldn't express it. His father didn't approve of emotions like love, seeing them more as a means to manipulate others.

In the end Quinn attempted to murder Mina, triggering the mist to save her. He never got the chance to tell her so, because she needed to believe she was in true peril.

That was how Mina arrived on Moss Island, but she became distracted from her task. She managed to slip the cursed black rose into Tessa's chambers, hidden under her bed. However, before she could leave the island, Mina met Troy Jackson.

By then Troy had become a young man, ever so slightly younger then her. He reminded her of Nikos, her late husband, and she found herself falling for him, hard. There came a day that they exchanged a kiss and affections, but it was that same day the curse began to take hold of his cousin. Tessa became bed bound with fever from Shadow Magic she had been breathing in.

Troy became inconsolable, never leaving his cousin's side. His uncle revealed to Mina his history, what had become of his parents, and guilt filled her soul. One night when Troy had fallen asleep, she took the wicked blossom from beneath his cousin's bed and ran to the cliffs. She knew Wolfram could use her to track the island if Tessa did not pass, so she had one choice in her mind, and jumped.

Her body washed ashore, holding the dead flower to her chest.

Troy became sure of a conspiracy, that someone was targeting his loved ones. He was heart broken, of course, and not thinking straight, but he decided to leave the island and seek out the fabled Dark Wizard who had terrorized his family for so long.
In the wake of Mina's death, what little compassion Quinn Belvedere might once have had died within him. He collected her children for recruitment into the Cursed Angels, and he made it his business to find his brother, sister, and the missing Princess of Magia.

By then Seiran was a young woman, and now and again Daphne and Tobias would leave her alone. It was one of those times Quinn came upon her. He wooed the princess, charming and seducing her. His plan had been the same as his father's once had been-to marry the heir to the throne and become a shadow behind the crown. This might have worked if Daphne and Tobias had not appeared to object at the ceremony. Tobias blasted his brother back, and Daphne stole Seiran away to explain.

Seiran, having believed she was truly loved as she felt love, was heart broken and crushed. She began to act more recklessly in order to feel alive, but soon found her inner joy returning. Hope returned to her as she realized the greatest thing she could do to spite Quinn and his father was to survive and prevail, and one day return as Queen of Magia.

Remi had found happiness again with Lord Sorin. He had become her lover, and the time they had melted together. However that joy came to an end when Wolfram learned Remi still lingered in the world-and more then likely still carried a Shimmer Stone. However he could not find her immediately, but he did find Lord Sorin, whom he had crossed paths with in the past. He did not know they were lovers, but knew Sorin was the original Child of Death. That meant without question, Sorin could thus track Remi's movements.

When he refused to reveal his Paramore's location, he and Wolfram came to blows. In the end the Wizard tricked Sorin into staying outside as the sun rose, burning him to ash.

As soon as her dark savior passed, Remi felt it. Her heart broke, and soon it was revealed to her she was now the Queen of the Children of the Death, as he had been the King. Somehow she kept her wits about her, but she also had to come upon a distraction. Thus she took on a second identity, The Red Lady. She became an assassin with a code: if she was to end a life, there should be no one who would miss them. She didn't receive a lot of traffic do to this code, though many tried. She turned on those who tried to lie to her, but for the most part used the occupation to travel and learn more about her new people

Upon arrival in Magia, Troy encountered a Cursed Angel named Chance. He knew not her allegiance and loyalty however, so when she offered to help him tap the Shimmer Magic in his blood, he accepted eagerly. When it was done, he could wield magic, but it was but one side of the coin. The other side was every time he used Shimmer magic, a dark rune of Shadow Magic began to creep about his skin. Should those markings eventually cover his entire form, Troy's soul would be forfeit.

His cousin, healing and recovering from her own curse, was given a vision of Troy. Shocked by the trap he had fallen into, Tessa gathered a few effects, and left the island to find her cousin. After realizing this, so too did her father, Maldoon.

Thus when The Red Lady struck, directed by Quinn who believed he had cleverly sent her to observe his brother when he'd be alone, Tessa appeared to protect him. Despite the years, Remi knew the scent of her own blood-the scent of her daughter. Though she had already driven fangs into Tobias's neck, it was not too late to save him-as she too had once been saved.

Thus when Tobias, Daphne, Seiran, and Tessa finally caught up with Troy, a reluctant and tense alliance was formed. Remi explained finally Wolfram, the Dark Wizard also know as Wirchi, who wielded Shadow Magic. Only the magic of Moss Isle, Shimmer Magic, could defeat him and that was why he was so desperate to destroy it. And in turn, they are the only ones who can defeat him-and mayhaps, save Troy from falling to Shadow.

Shimmer and Shadow. Two family legacies intertwined. Countless tales of their conflicts and compromises.

However Tessa was found by none other then Quinn Belvedere when she arrived at the Indigo Docks. She had been sheltered for most of her life, innocent, so when he began his line of charm she fell into his clutches and became his captive. In truth, he had no idea who she was, and how his father would have preferred he end her life. Instead he kept Tessa chained up, tormenting and torturing her every day,

She didn't know how many days had passed when things began to change. Rescue was far from expected. To be fair, it hadn't been Tobias's intent when he led the raid either. He, Daphne, and Seiran had simply made a habit of attacking any outposts or bases of the Cursed Angels, Quinn, or Wolfram. Unlike his brother however, Tobias had felt Tessa's strong magic-her Shimmer Magic, and rushed to find the source. It was a reluctantly kind rescue, but a rescue none the less.

Quinn was infuriated when he learned his villa had been destroyed, his guards rounded up or killed, and his prize stolen. So it was he sought out someone to end his brother's life once and for all-the Red Lady.

It was chance that saved Tobias's life. After the rescue, Tessa had hovered by him the most. Once enough time had passed and she was able to experience touch without flinching, she beseeched him to be with her for a time. Though it did not blossom into a romance, it did become a close friendship that would last the rest of their lives. Thus when Tobias intended to depart alone from the group to find a magical artifact, Tessa followed him from a short distance.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Lonely Heart

You don't realize you're lonely while you're alone. You realize you're lonely when you're not.

I have had an amazing week with the one I love.
We had a double date at the zoo. We've been snuggling. Streaming. Cooking. Just...being.

We've talked about when I move. It looks like April 2018 at the soonest, probably May. Its....a long time but it gives her, Mom, and myself the chance to settle things to first. Mom and I are still working on Workman's Comp, trying to get healed and patched up.

I've lost more mobility in my arm, side note.

But Mom and I need to get fixed up. Mama needs to sell the house in New Jersey, get a nest egg. Bae needs to look into expanding her home for our potential future together.

We adopted a puppy yesterday. A tiny little dauschund named Ruby Rose. She's adorable.

On the drive home I got to hold her to my chest where she dozed off.

And I realized even though I've lost my hamsters, and I wanted to avoid further loss of pets in my near future.

I wanted one. I want another one. I want something small and fuzzy I can hold in my arms.
I want someone I can hold.

But Texas can't happen yet.
Mom and I need fixed.
I need fixed.
It seems like a cat or dog is against our lease.

I wish Cape Cod wasn't so isolated.
I wish I wasn't injured and my arm worked properly.
I wish I could forsee a time in the future I can use my arm fully.
I wish I could make friends easier.
I wish I could get my own puppy or kitten.
I wish I wasn't so alone.

I love my mother. But she can't be everything to me. That's impossible. And it would be weird.

I have another week before I go home. And unlike my last trip I am looking forward to going home.


But
I don't look forward to being alone.
There's...no one.
Hell, I don't even see my coworkers anymore.

I don't see customers.
Its just me. Mom. And the barrage of Doctors.
Doctors who sometimes blow me off. Ignore me.
Ask me why I'm sick.

So here is a list of things I need to do when I get back.

1. Talk to my main case manager doctor about further tests on my neck as well as my arm.
2. Find and make an appointment with a new specialist.
3. Contact someone at Boston Medical Center about the unprofessional treatment I received while there.
4. Arrange an appointment to see a new nurse practicitioner at Fontaine, because I am sick and tired of the current offices-even if I like my therapist.
5. Finish a damn novel

Monday, June 27, 2016

#2WeeksWithTwuWuv

I'm off to see my sweetheart for 2 whole weaks! In which we have both our birthdays and the 4th of July.

There are no words for how much I need this Mini Break, but I'm going to try.

Lets see. Still no idea what my injury is. Still out on Workman's comp. That nonsense with Boston.

But now 2 weeks. 2 weeks with the one I love and all the furkids.

14 days of blessed time in the same space. To relax. To be with her. Updates will happen.