Life Without Living

Today has been....
Not eventful. No.

So, I should note while I'm not the biggest fan of my land lady.
Her husband is quite charming. While I've stopped calling her "Grandma" I've never stopped calling him Grandpa. I'd lost the only grandfather I'd ever known half a year before I met him, so it was nice to have someone in the role again.

Except maybe even a little better. As you may have gathered or not, I am Wiccan. I read Tarot and Rune Stones. I can sense certain things about people. A little bit beyong. Mystical gifts. I prefer the term Mystic these days. I have no issue with the term gypsy-in fact I take pride in my gypsy heritage.

Grandpa had some of his own gifts (this grandpa, the one married to a woman I hate and father of a man who betrayed me and despite no blood relation I am so very attached to). He understood some of the nuances. I could talk to him about them.

He was a singer, and he was prone to breaking into song.

A few days ago he had a mild heart attack. Now he's in the hospital.
I went to see him today because it didn't sound like he has long.

Twice in my life I have hugged someone and known it was the last time, and been right both times. Once, a dear uncle, not by blood but a beloved friend of my mother who had always been in my life. The Second time was my grandfather.

That did not happen today. Far worse occurred.
All the things that make Grandpa Grandpa...are caught. They are fading.
But his body is not keeping up.

Grandpa will be gone long before his shell finally passes on.
And his wife, the landlady? I don't want to imagine how she will get. Mom once theorized, because of how closely linked they are, when one dies so will the other.

I worry what will happen to us then. And I feel bad about being selfish.